Page 102 of Holding Ground

The sound of Baylor’s laugh in the other room pulls me from my thoughts.

One thing at a time. Before I figure out what I’m going to do about Emelia, I need to figure out what to do about Kate.

Once again, Baylor hugs Kate’s legs when she says goodbye, and I tell her I’ll be back in after I speak to Kate outside.

It’s cold out tonight, and I shove my hands into the pockets of my jacket as we stand beside her car. I decide just to come out with it and ask what I want to know. “What’s the plan here, Kate? You’ve met your daughter. Now what? Are you moving back to Echo Lake?”

When her gaze cuts away from mine, I know the answer. My hands press into fists inside my pockets.

“I have a good job in Philly and coming back here…I know I can’t live in a town this small, Elliott. I’d never last.”

“Great, so this was just a pit stop for you, was it?” Venom edges my tongue as the words leave my mouth.

“No, no, it isn’t. I still want a relationship with my daughter. I was hoping you’d be open to facilitating that.” She holds my gaze, her eyes pleading.

“What exactly does that mean?”

She drops her gaze and shifts her weight. “I want to visit when I can, have regular video chats with her, maybe eventually you’d let her come visit me in Pennsylvania. I want to be able to send her birthday presents and Christmas presents. I want her to get to know me, and I want to answer any questions she has for me when she gets older.”

Part of me wants to instantly tell her no. That it’s not an option. That she’s upsetting the safe bubble I’ve created for Baylor here in Echo Lake. And three months ago, I probably would’ve said just that. But I also know that having a relationship on some level with her mother will be good for her. When she’s older, Baylor can decide for herself how much of one she wants to pursue, but right now, building a base between them, while scary, is beneficial to my daughter.

“That’s it? You’re not asking for shared custody or anything like that?”

She shakes her head. “Baylor has a good life here. I can see that. I can see how loved she is and what an amazing job you’ve done raising her. I would never want to rip her away from that.”

“I dare you to try.” My voice is flat. If she ever came at me for custody, I would go bankrupt fighting her.

“I only want what’s best for Baylor, and I’m self-aware enough to know that I’m not that. At least not as a full-time parent. I just want to know her, and for her to know me.” She’s trying to put up a strong front, but I see the way her hands shake before she clasps them in front of her.

Finally, I nod. “Agreed then. But you have to promise not to disappear from her life again. You can come over on Saturday morning and tell her you’re leaving town, but it’s not like last time. Explain what you just told me to her in a way that she’ll understand.”

Her head tilts, and there are tears in her eyes again. “I wish things had turned out differently, Elliott. I wish I could’ve been what Baylor needed when she was an infant. I wanted to come back into her life years ago, but I was too afraid. Too afraid to face you, and too afraid to face her. Now I wish I hadn’t waited so long to gather my courage.”

There’s so much regret in Kate’s words and in her eyes.

Realization hits me squarely.

I don’t want that to be me.

I don’t want to look back years from now, wishing I’d had enough courage to tell Emelia how I feel.

Yes, telling her and having her reject me might open up old wounds—yet another person I love who leaves me—but I’d rather have that feeling than the regret, wondering what might have happened if I’d told her.

CHAPTER

FORTY-THREE

Emelia

I’m in the middle of my deep dive, trying to get to the bottom of what’s going on with the proposed development, when I realize I left the paper I printed off at the library earlier today in my car.

“Shit.” I flop back on the bed.

Why can’t I be the kind of person who can take in loads of information when it’s in digital form? I’ve always preferred the printed page to scrolling on a computer.

With a groan, I roll off the bed, slip on my shoes, and throw on my jacket. The crisp air hits me the minute I swing open the door, and I hurry across the lawn, key fob in hand. The main house is lit up, and I can’t stop myself from looking, knowing that tonight is the night that Kate is coming over for dinner.

What I see stops me in my tracks. Elliott’s back is to me, so I can only see the back of his head. But I can clearly see Baylor sitting beside Kate, the two of them laughing. There’s a tug in my chest. I’m not even sure why, because I’m happy that Baylor will know her mother.