Page 98 of Gin and Bear It

“Jada,” Ash calls out. I’ve been staring blankly at him for a touch too long. I excuse myself from Bianca and go over to Ash. “Jada, this is Ruby. Ruby, this is my wife Jada.”

Him introducing me as his wife still feels weird, but it doesn’t feel wrong anymore. I shake Ruby’s hand.

“Sorry, I was staring, wasn’t I?” I say with a light laugh. “I was trying to place where I knew you from, and Bianca told me. I love your music.”

“Thank you.” Ruby smiles. Her signature red lipstick is the perfect shade against her white teeth. “Yeah, Ash and I were talking about songwriting. I’ve heard of Cinematicas and love the sound he and his collaborator created.”

Pride makes me smile, even though I had nothing to do with his success. “He’s so talented. And when he’s working on his newer stuff, he’s locked in. I’ve never seen him focused like that before.”

Ruby’s smile widens. “I understand the feeling. I’m actually running a songwriter incubator in Brooklyn now where everyone is like that. I call it a creative melting pot. Songwriters come in and can really focus on their craft. We pay everyone a stipend so that pressure is off, too.

“That’s incredible,” Ash says.

“Thank you. I hope that by taking away some of the pressure to make a hit by whatever date, people can produce art that’s meaningful.” Ruby shrugs.

One of the attendants starts herding people toward their tables, and we say bye to Ruby. We’re seated with Jeremiah, Wes, Rose, JD, and JD’s fiancée Katrina. Bianca and Waylon are at the table in the front.

Ash doesn’t speak much, giving me time to absorb Ruby’s words. Was she inviting him to join the incubator? It sounds exactly like something he would love. And with the stipend on top of his back royalties, he wouldn’t have to worry about money either.

But Brooklyn isn’t here. He’d have to leave.

My anxiety starts to build throughout the evening since we can’t slip away and talk about it. But I try to put on a smile and have a good time with everyone. The food is delicious, and the sunset is stunning. I should feel amazingly sated by the time we stumble back into the villa, but I just have questions.

“C’mere,” Ash says as soon as we walk in the door.

He grabs me by the hips and pulls me toward him, wrapping me in a hug. I savor his body heat for a few moments before I possibly wreck all of this. He kisses the side of my neck, trailing down to my exposed shoulder.

“Are you going to take Ruby up on her offer?” I say before I lose my head to his kisses.

He pauses. “I don’t think she really offered me anything. She just told me about it and gave me her contact info.”

“Which is basically like an invite.”

Ash pulls away but keeps his hands on my shoulders. His brows furrow as he studies my face.

“You don’t want me to go,” he says. I shake my head.

He gives me more space, looking up at the ceiling fan. I can’t read him right now, and he’s being too quiet.

“It’s a big opportunity, Jada,” he says.

“I know. And I feel like a huge piece of shit for even thinking of questioning you on it. In an ideal world, I could tell you to go live your dreams. But what about us?” I ask. “Like what are we, first of all?”

“You want to be more,” he says plainly. “In an relationship. Otherwise, we wouldn’t even be having this conversation.”

I swallow and nod. Does he want to be?

He rakes his fingers through his hair and turns from me. The knot in my throat grows. At least it keeps me from talking. I can tell when he’s thinking and needs me to hold back.

“To be honest, she’s the second person who’s offered me some kind of songwriting gig.” He sits down on the couch near the sliding-glass door.

“She is? Why didn’t you say anything?” I ask. We talk a lot, so I assumed he told me everything. Was that delusional thinking?

“Because I didn’t think it was important to you. Or important for you to know, I guess?” He studies me. “So if I choose to leave after the year we agreed on is up, does it matter? We’re not in a relationship. Officially. Even though you’d like to be.”

I close my eyes for a moment. I shouldn’t be upset by this because it’s true. But since when have I stopped feeling a certain way because of rationality?

When we’ve talked about relationships in the past, his body language has screamed no. But this time, he’s more pensive. That’s a step in the right direction, right?