Page 59 of Sterling Heat

“Go back to sleep,” I whisper, hesitating before I swipe my hand up his back. Shifting to sit up myself, I add, “I just need to feed Adara.”

He falls back to the pillow and scrubs both hands down his face. “What time is it?” His sleep-filled voice is sexy as hell.

“Midnight.”

With my back to him, I change Adara’s diaper and lift her from the bassinet. She stiffly stretches, tucking up all her limbs, as if I’m disrupting her dreams. Her feeding schedule is every three hours to help her gain weight.

“Mind if I do this here? I don’t really want to go downstairs.” The request feels selfish, but my bed is cozy and I’m drowsy.

Rigidly, Sebastian shakes his head and I prop up a pillow. He reaches over to help, fluffing a second one against the headboard.

Once seated, I tuck Adara into position and lift up my tee. She latches on and I watch her as she softly sucks. Her eagerness echoes loudly in the quiet room, or maybe I’m just suddenly hyperaware of Sebastian’s presence beside me.

Hesitantly, I glance over at him. “I guess I didn’t think this one through.” He can’t really see my breast but there’s no doubt what Adara is doing.

His gaze shifts from where Adara is tucked into my arm and lifts to my eyes. “No. It’s so amazing. Life really is a mystery and a miracle.”

“I’m so fortunate.” I gaze back down at Adara a second before looking over at him. “Not only for her, but for you, too.”

“Sugar,” he groans like he does when he’s exasperated by me and my gratitude.

“I mean it. Can you just take the compliment for once? You’re an incredible man, Sebastian. And I truly feel lucky you came into my life when you did. You’ve been by my side through a lot, and I don’t deserve all you’ve done for us, but I’m so thankful. You’re an angel.”

Sebastian swallows hard as his focus stays on my face. Maybe he sees that I really need him to read my sincerity and take my gratitude.

“Thank you,” he whispers. “I’m not typically called an angel. More like the devil.”

“Why?”

Propping up on an elbow, he keeps his eyes on me. “When I was fourteen, I wanted to sell drugs to help my family.”

His gaze drops to Adara’s feet tucked beneath my other arm.

“My dad had died when I was twelve and Stone came home, giving up a lot to take care of Ford, Vale, and me. He was suddenly responsible for three, almost four other people. Knox already had one foot out the door, but he wasn’t eighteen yet when Stone stepped in. Stone was only twenty-two.”

I remain quiet, watching him wrestle with his memories.

“We were struggling financially. I just wanted to help. The Seed and Soil had been almost run into the ground. Clay was doing all he could to build a better reputation, reassure creditors, and restore some faith in the community that we were a decent family.”

Sebastian sighs and falls to his back, staring up at the ceiling. “Vale wanted to take dance lessons. And Ford needed new baseball equipment. Even Stone deserved the nice things he was denying himself. And I wanted a guitar. I was going to be a bad ass rock star.”

He looks up at me with a smirk that certainly would have had teenage girls screaming and a few moms removing bras and tossing them onto a stage.

“I didn’t know you could sing or play an instrument.”

He snorts. “I can’t. I just wanted to own a guitar.” Exhaling, his body relaxes. “Anyway, we were poor. Poorer than when our dad had been around. I’d been approached by a senior at the high school to sell pot at the middle school.”

Sebastian peers at me. “I’d asked Knox if he thought it was a good idea. If he thought, it would help the family.”

When silence falls between us and Sebastian looks away, I prompt him. “What did Knox say?”

“He said he’d kick my ass if I went anywhere near Josh Geary.” He chews at the corner of his lip. “I didn’t listen.”

His gaze lowers to his chest and he swipes a hand over his firm pecs. “Got hooked myself. Sold on the side. Became real popular.” Mockery fills his voice.

“Then I started getting in trouble. Issues at school. Stone had to intervene.” Bitterness joins the mix in his tone. “I would have dropped out if Stone hadn’t taken me to school every day. Even walked me to class a few times.” His laughter is sour. “It was so fucking embarrassing.”

Another deep pause falls between us, and I switch Adara to my other side. Swiping a thumb over her cheek, I hope I can be strong as she ages and keep her out of trouble. I don’t want to turn a dismissive eye like my parents did. And I never want to fret like Stone Sylver must have done over his siblings. I don’t want Adara to worry she won’t be provided for or loved.