Page 53 of Sterling Heat

When I messaged him that my sister was arriving, his immediate response was have fun, as if she is here for a vacation instead of baby support. When I thanked him for the bouquet and baked goods, he simply replied with a thumb’s up emoji. I still send him updates on Adara and a picture or two a day, but I’m starting to think I’m bothering him more than sharing information.

I don’t like the sensation of abandonment I feel from his absence. It isn’t his responsibility to be here for me or Adara. He has free will to go about his business. Still, I miss him. And I hate that I might have brought this feeling on myself. I tried to please my parents and it was all for nothing as they stepped away from me when I made one of the most important decisions of my life. Then Lance rejected the idea of marriage and family after years of promising a future together. I fault myself for involving Sebastian in my current circumstances. I reeled him in, so it shouldn’t hurt that he’s pulled back.

“It was all pretend anyway,” I whisper, reminding my sister and myself. Originally, she ooh-ed and ahh-ed about Sebastian’s acting ability. A total stranger, suddenly starring in the role of my baby’s father, so I could see Adara during those days I wasn’t allowed to leave my hospital room.

Too bad there were so many moments when the acting looked realistic. When it appeared like he might actually love Adara.

When I told Sebastian Adara loved him, he looked like he might get sick.

When I joked that I loved him, he looked worse.

The idea of us loving Sebastian makes him ill. Which is too bad because he is my only friend around here and there is no faking my emotions.

I’m pretty certain I love Sebastian Sylver.

“There’s a part two to my mistake question. Did I make a mistake moving to Sterling Falls? I have one friend and no acquaintances here. I hardly have neighbors.” The decision to move hadn’t been rash. I’d been wanting a house and a yard for a while, and I bought this farmhouse shortly after I found out I was pregnant.

“Brutal honesty?” Cadence pauses, watching me, and I nod. “You didn’t have many friends left in Huntington because of Lance. Clients don’t count as acquaintances. And you didn’t know your neighbors there, either.”

“I knew Mrs. Bertsch.”

“The cat lady living next door to you?” Cadence wrinkles her nose. “She doesn’t count.”

“Why not? She was my neighbor.”

“And a strange odor was coming from her place.” Cadence lifts her arm high and exaggeratedly pinches her nose as if she smells something bad.

“I think she was smoking pot over there.”

Cadence chuckles. “Well, then I wish I’d known her better.”

We both laugh.

“My point is you were ready to leave Huntington. Anywhere you moved, you wouldn’t have had what you had there, but that’s what you wanted. A fresh start.”

“But now I have Adara.” And I’m alone out here. I wasn’t frightened of my surroundings, but there was an adjustment to the space in a large house with open land. I’d been an apartment dweller most of my adult life. This was different and I accepted it for me, but had I done right for Adara?

“She’s another layer of the freshness.” Cadence shifts so her side presses into the back of the couch. Her head rests against the top of the cushion. “Where are all the questions coming from? It’s not like you to doubt yourself.”

I snort. “I doubted myself for eleven years.” My entire relationship with Lance had been one questioning moment after another. Did he really love me? Why hadn’t he asked me to marry him? When would we have children? Why wasn’t I enough for him?

“And you stopped doubting yourself once you let Lance go,” she reminds me. “You’ve made all the smart decisions for you.”

She was right. I finally did what I wanted to do. I quit the firm and went independent. I left Lance in my rearview mirror. I bought a house. I had a baby.

“You’re going to be a great mother,” my sister whispers, heartfelt and reassuring.

My eyes well with tears and I blink through the haze of emotion and exhaustion. “You think so.”

“I know so.”

And on that note, Adara starts crying and I’m on call again.

Chapter 17

[Sebastian]

“What’s with the sour puss, sour puss?” Knox teases me as we sit in Milton’s Roadhouse.