Page 20 of Sterling Heat

Instantly, I picture Adara cuddled against Enya, tucked into her mother’s loving arms. Enya would offer a soft smile of contentment while watching her daughter breastfeed.

How would it feel to bask in something so unconditional as the love between mother and child? I’d never know as I never knew my mother.

“Where is your shirt?” Enya’s surprise brings me back to the moment.

“Oh, uhm . . . the nurse said skin to skin contact was good for Adara.” Guilt hits me. I shouldn’t be the one holding the baby like this. Adara needs Enya’s skin, her mother’s comforting touch. “Did you do this with her?”

Her head sadly shakes. “If I can at least go an hour without a high blood pressure reading, I can be wheeled to the NICU.”

“How is the blood pressure?”

“Still not great.”

“I wish there was something I could do.” I really do wish there was a way to calm her down, or make her feel better, or fix the pressure she’s under.

“You are. Thank you for going in there, Sebastian. I know the situation is a little strange, but I appreciate you holding her. She looks so comfy.” Her voice softens and I glance down again at Adara’s tiny, closed lids, and her sweet open mouth. Her peanut-sized fist is still against my chest. She’s so small. So fragile.

And I’m holding her like I have a right when there’s blood on my hands and regret on my skin.

“I should probably put her back.”

“Already?” The hitch in Enya’s voice has me staying put.

Or maybe it’s my fear that I’ll drop her daughter if I try to move.

Or maybe it’s that I’m a little comfy myself, with this warm body against mine, breathing in my scent as I breathe in hers.

“I guess I can sit here a little longer.” I steady the phone, aiming it toward the baby. Another soft grunt comes from Adara. “Sorry about the skin-to-skin thing. The nurse thinks I’m the dad, and I didn’t want to do anything to mess this up, so—"

“Sebastian.” The quiet whisper of appreciation in my name should not stir something inside me. My emotions are like a kitchen mixer on full blend, scrambling everything together. Hope. Fear. Confusion at both.

“You really are my hero.”

I close my eyes. I’ve never been a hero. I don’t deserve to be called one, but I wish I could be.

For Enya.

For Adara.

For both my flames.

Chapter 7

[Enya]

The past five days have been torture.

The blood pressure bullshit. The struggle to pump my breasts. The limited trips to see Adara.

Thankfully, Sebastian has come to see me every day and he visits Adara, too, sharing videos of him shirtless and holding my child.

I should not like the tattoos over his shoulders and across his chest or the way he speaks to my little one, soothing her grunts and making her smile at the sound of his voice. She isn’t really smiling yet, but it’s still sweet to consider she’s responding to him. He’s so good with her.

If my hormones weren’t already in upheaval, I’d be pregnant just looking at that man handling my child.

Fortunately, I’m preoccupied with the blood pressure medication I now need to take and the freedom I’ve suddenly been given to leave the hospital. I’m being discharged, but Adara needs to stay. And we’ve had another failed breastfeeding attempt. Tears fill my eyes as I rock my baby in my arms.

My life is a mess. I’m a mess. Damn these hormones.