Page 91 of Letting Go at 40

“Fuck. Dude.” Calvin exhales before rounding the counter. He catches Bryce by the back of his collar and hauls him off the stool. “Time for bed.”

Anger hovers over Calvin as he struggles to wrap his brother’s arm over his shoulder and walk him to the front hall. I step up and slip my arm around Bryce’s waist, doing little to support him as he’s so heavy. My middle child already towers over me and outweighs his older brother.

As we battle up the staircase, Bryce’s body goes limp, pressing down on us even more.

“Fuck, he is heavy,” Calvin grumbles.

“Language,” I snark without any bite. I’m grateful my son is helping me.

When we reach Bryce’s room, I release my arm around him and Calvin lets his brother fall to the bed, face first. I turn his head, hoping he doesn’t throw up.

“He’s already puked a few times. I doubt there is much left in him. It’s why we are home. We couldn’t stay at the party when he was such a mess,” Calvin explains, looking down at his brother sprawled out like a lumberjack and snoring like one as well.

“What happened?”

“A girl.” Calvin says again with a shrug. Calvin remains in Bryce’s room, staring over his brother. “What he said, Mom. He didn’t mean it how it sounded.”

“I’ll deal with him tomorrow,” I assure Calvin. Bryce and I are going to have a nice little heart-to-heart.

Calvin purses his lips and then pinches them between his fingers. The movement is something Ben would do when he contemplated something.

He releases his lips. “It’s okay for you to move on, though.” His voice is quiet, and he slips his hands into his pockets. “Dad wouldn’t want you to be alone.”

“Honey.” I step over to him, pushing back his hair although he stands taller than me. In only six months, I swear he’s grown taller, filled out more. He’s a man, not a child, but he’ll always be my little boy. “I’m not dating anyone.”

“Don’t think you need to date.” Calvin shrugs. “You have Mason here.”

“And what does that mean?” I drop my hand.

“I’m not blind. I see the way he looks at you.”

“And how does he look at me?” My eyes dart over his face, holding my breath for his answer.

“Like Dad did. Like he loves you.”

Our eyes meet while my brows pinch. “How would you feel about that?”

Calvin shrugs and turns toward his brother. “Like he said, it’s always the brother or the best friend. I think I’d prefer you date someone we already know. Someone we like.” Calvin turns back to me. “Well, love. We love Mason, too.”

Calvin looks at me, searching my face. “The bigger question is how do you feel about him?”

“I . . . I care about him. A lot.”

Calvin nods several times with short, tight dips of his head. “Don’t use him, okay, Mom. We don’t want to lose him, too.”

“Calvin.” I sigh, stung by his candor but understanding his words come from a place of compassion. “You won’t lose him. And I don’t plan to hurt him.”

Calvin looks back at his brother. “No one ever plans to hurt someone.”

Ah, the wisdom of nineteen.

“Maybe you should head to bed, too. Thanks for dealing with drunkboy here.” I hitch a thumb at Bryce.

“That’s what brothers do. We’re here for each other, looking after one another, even if we don’t live in bedrooms next door anymore.”

Reaching for his scruffy face, I palm his jaw. “You’re a good big brother.”

“I try. It’s what Dad wanted.”