Page 80 of Letting Go at 40

Chapter 29

9 Months Ago

December

The Morning After Effect

[Mason]

The next morning, I’m caught by Jenna sneaking out of Anna’s room. What anyone else is doing up at this ungodly hour is beyond me. Why Jenna is in the main house is a mystery as well. The box of tea clutched to her chest when I startle her is my only answer.

“Um.” Jenna holds her gaze upward, not risking a glance at my boxer briefs or the slight tent in them. There’s no way to be discreet. I’m hard. Waking next to Anna didn’t help.

Last night was a teenage fantasy come true. Who gets off fully clothed? Who comes in their pants like a randy teen? Apparently me.

I’d slipped from the bed last night but quickly returned in a fresh pair of underwear. I didn’t trust Anna to be alone with her thoughts and I was correct in my assumption. She’d shut down. Not completely closed off but still struggling between her attraction to me and distracting ideas.

I didn’t bring up Ben. I didn’t want to discuss him after what we’d done.

In that damn romantic comedy P.S. I Love You, the Irish guy sleeps with the girl, and then they realize he’d been friends with her dead husband when they were kids. He offers to tell her about him after they had sex. I’m not that schmuck. I’m not bringing a past lover into bed with me.

“Good morning,” Jenna mumbles to me, shaking the box of tea for further confirmation that her reason for being in the kitchen is a hot drink.

I run a hand through my hair, anxious that I’ve been caught but also a little relieved. I’m not going to be some damn secret. Anna and I aren’t going to be friends with benefits or fuck buddies.

Not that I thought Anna would use me like that. I want more from her than just a roll in the sack.

Although I’d certainly repeat what happened last night in a heartbeat. Preferably without clothes next time.

I peer over my shoulder at the hallway for the main bedroom. “About that—”

“None of my business,” Jenna immediately interjects.

“Yeah, I’d appreciate it if you don’t say anything.” I glance down at the floor.

“Not saying a word,” Jenna says before exhaling. “But if I might say one thing . . .”

“Somehow, I figured you would.” Jenna and I have become friends. Our date wasn’t actually a date back in November but more like a friend helping a friend. Jenna didn’t want to go alone to a school fundraiser. I’d donated to the night’s silent auction and figured an appearance would be a good business move.

“Are you sure this is smart?” Jenna asks.

My shoulders slump. “I’m not a mistake.” I fucking hate feeling like last night might have been one. In Anna’s eyes. In her heart.

“I’m not saying you are. I’m asking about you. I don’t want to see you hurt.”

I don’t want to hurt you, Anna had said to me.

I’d joked that she couldn’t, but she could. She had the power to destroy me. To dispel the idea of love. To ruin any chance I’d give such a reckless emotion.

Still, I defend myself, holding up a shield as I dismissively snort. “How can I be hurt? I’ve had years to protect myself. Decades actually.”

“Are you sure she isn’t someone you want only because you haven’t ever been able to have her?”

Funny Jenna says such a thing as Anna has mentioned the same idea.

I level a hard glare at Jenna. “Don’t you think I’ve tried to tell myself that? Tried to convince myself that must be it. The reason I’m so attracted to her is because she isn’t attracted to me, or because she’s the only woman I haven’t had.”

I dig my fingers into my hair, holding the thickness at the top. Frustration fills me as Jenna reads my mind. I’ve had these exact thoughts. If I just fuck Anna, maybe it will get her out of my system.