Page 62 of Letting Go at 40

“Don’t turn around,” Mason warns again, softer, gentler. Does he sense how fragile I feel right now? My body continues to quiver, like I’m about to break into a million tiny pieces.

I’m relieved he doesn’t want to look at me. I don’t want him to see my tears.

His fingers snap the clasp of my bra, forcing it to open. I’ve been wearing it and my shorts the entire time. I catch the material against my chest as I hear him shuffling behind me. A hesitant glance over my shoulder gives me enough of a view to see Mason removing his tee.

“Arms up,” he commands.

I release the bra pressed to my chest. My arms feel heavy again. My legs weak. The tears continue to stream down my cheeks.

Once I lift my arms, worn cotton flows down my head, cascading over my breasts, and falling to my thighs. Mason works beneath the hem to remove my shorts and I step out of them, holding onto the post before me once more. This time I know it’s an anchor, attempting to hold me in place as a mixture of emotions bombard me.

Is it too soon to have feelings for Mason? I’m too young to be alone the remainder of my life.

Could Mason have genuine feelings for me? Or is he only fulfilling a promise?

Will he leave? When will he go? How will I handle more loss?

Mason’s arms cradle my legs and I’m scooped up against his chest. He rounds my bed and lowers me to the mattress before pulling up the blanket. I swipe at my face, afraid to look at him. Ashamed of myself. When will the tears stop?

Another one leaks from my eye but he thumbs away the drop.

“It’s okay, Anna. I’m right here.”

But he’s going to leave, eventually. He should leave. He said he’s always wanted more with someone.

Despite my momentary release, my thoughts spiral again. I close my eyes to the truth. “I can’t lose you next.”

“Sweetheart.” His quiet groan is a plea. Then a weight crawls over me and falls behind me on the bed. He wraps his arms around me and tugs my back against his chest. His mouth comes to my covered shoulder and lingers against his T-shirt. He surrounds me in scent and touch.

“No one else is leaving, Anna. Especially not me.” He squeezes me tighter. “I’m not going anywhere. I’m here for as long as you need me.”

Did I need him? I swore I never would. Oh, how my feelings have changed.

I very much want Mason in my life.

Chapter 22

1 Year Ago

August

Third Reunion

[Mason]

The evening after the shitstorm with Archer is our night to celebrate Ben.

Our bonfire ritual is set up much the same as the first time. We were supposed to write Ben another note in response to his request for each of us.

Zack’s face holds a faint smile, proud of his accomplishments. He’s completed his mission.

Logan, the lucky bastard, finished Ben’s request for him before Ben actually passed away. He’d fallen in love with Ben’s sister, and they became a family.

None of us know what Ben asked of Archer who was supposed to join us tonight. We’ll never know now, as he’s gone.

The situation with Archer is undoubtedly a clusterfuck. The heartbreak on Jenna’s face says something definitely had happened in that garage apartment. The devastation in Anna tore me open.

As for me and another letter . . . I’m a failure. I still don’t know what Ben intended with his message. I haven’t done my best to take care of his family.