Page 6 of Letting Go at 40

Mason’s brows hitch. “But I’ll do what he’s asked. Whatever he needs from me.”

Fuck Ben. Fuck Mason. Fuck life and death and everything in between.

Fuck my heart which is breaking when I’ve promised to keep myself together for these two weeks.

As I sit on one of two chairs allowing for rest from the climb up these stairs, I make another promise to the cursed universe.

I will never open my heart again.

I will never love like I loved Ben.

I will never let go.

Chapter 3

3 Years Ago

August

The Reunion

[Mason]

“Who put this here?” Anna asks Ben as he sits opposite her at the kitchen island.

It’s been days since he told me about his condition, and I’m playing the fool, pretending among my friends that I don’t know the life-altering news he shared with me. We’ve been in the sun, hit the bars, and played golf. Our time has been more about drinking beer and driving golf carts than keeping score.

“What is it?” Ben asks, rising and moving around the island while Anna fingers the item in her hand.

“It’s a heart-shaped rock.” Her voice lowers, curious, reverent even before she looks up at her husband.

Ben rubs a hand up her back. “Cute.” His brush-off expresses his disinterest in the item.

Anna sheepishly looks up at him, adoring him with every gaze. “Is this from you?” Her dark eyes question him while I lift my coffee mug and briefly look away. Witnessing their love is difficult. Sometimes it’s like a gut punch; other times I’m indifferent, steeling myself against what I don’t have.

“Maybe one of the kids put it there,” Ben suggests.

Anna quirks a brow, her expression saying she doesn’t believe him. Cupping the roughly shaped heart in her palm, she brings it to her chest like a treasured gift. “Thank you,” she whispers to Ben.

“Babe, it’s not from me.” He leans forward, pressing his lips to her cheek.

How will she survive without Ben? I won’t need you, she snarled at me only days ago. I’ve never heard Anna’s voice so edgy, so sharp. My skin is too thick for insults, but Anna’s anger directed at me was like a knife to the chest. Her pain in losing Ben will test my own strength. I don’t want to see her suffer. I don’t want either of them to suffer.

With my gaze on the happy couple, Ben lifts his lids while his mouth lingers on his wife’s cheek. He slowly pulls away, watching me.

Sometimes, it feels like my emotions are written on my face. The envy. The lust.

Ben’s brows crease before he drags his gaze from me and speaks to Anna. “What do you think it means?”

Anna still holds the rock in her palm, caressing her fingers from her right hand over the flat surface and around the sculpted edges. Edges that have formed from weathering storms, shifting tides, and years of battering.

I can relate.

“Somebody loves me.” She glances adoringly at Ben again, still disbelieving the rock came from anyone other than him.

“Hmm.” Ben runs a hand up her back. “Who wouldn’t love you?” He leans forward and presses another lingering kiss to her cheek, but his eyes shift to me again.

And once more, I sense him reading my mind.