Page 41 of Letting Go at 40

“Ben is gone, honey.”

Yep. Truth is her counterargument.

“I know, but—”

“No, buts. It’s your life, Anna. Your. Life.” She narrows her eyes and stares pointedly at me. “Live it.”

I’m trying, but kissing Mason was too soon.

My sister reads my mind. “There isn’t a timetable. Too soon. Too late.” She pauses, then tilts her head. “Actually, there is a timetable. It’s the time in between.”

She spreads her hands, palms facing each other. She shakes one hand. “There is the start.” She shakes her opposite hand. “And the finish. In between is a journey called life and if anyone would have told you to make the most of every single day, it would have been Ben. That’s the time that matters.”

“But kissing his friend?”

“Not saying Ben would be pleased, if he were alive.” Amelia pauses again, softening her expression while emphasizing her words. “But maybe someday. It could happen again.” She shakes each hand, underscoring her visual. “Life is not a sprint. There are stops and starts, and even do-overs, if one is lucky. And always second chances.”

“Second chances at what?” I’ve had amazing firsts. Marriage. Kids. Home. Work. I’ve done all I’ve wanted to do.

Amelia peers at me before lifting her margarita. “As it’s Galentine’s Day, that word is banned. But think about it. You never know.” She hitches up one brow before finishing her margarita.

The word still isn’t clear to me. I’m not in on the Gal Pal lingo as this night is another first.

The first time I haven’t celebrated the holiday of love.

Chapter 16

2 Years Ago

February

Valentine’s Day

[Mason]

Why didn’t Ben leave me a letter?

The text from Anna comes in after midnight. She’s away for the weekend, visiting her sister for some girl time. I’ll be seeing her next weekend. The father-daughter dance has become an annual date with Mila, and I’ll be attending again as I did last year when Ben couldn’t go.

Calvin volunteered to take his sister, but Mila reminded him that it isn’t brother-sister dance, which sounded all kinds of wrong to me. I kept my thoughts to myself. Calvin’s efforts to take care of Mila is commendable, though. He’s growing into a good man.

Mila asked me to be her date again because Lorna is going with Logan. The four of us will double-date as we did last year.

I don’t know, sweetheart. I stare at the words and decide to delete the sweetheart before hitting send. In my head, I often add endearments to each text we share, which have been more frequent since our moment during Thanksgiving.

When no response comes from her, I have a question of my own. Do you need a letter from him?

Her reply is almost immediate. I just want to know how to navigate without him.

Oh man. The words aren’t quite the sucker punch I expect, but I hate that she’s melancholy. It’s this fucking made-up holiday. Valentine’s Day can suck it.

Typically, that’s exactly what I’d have done to me on this greeting-card-company-bullshit-date. Sucking that is. Girls at the bar, whooping it up, hating on men, and then going home with a guy to prove their empowerment over one. Hey, I was an equal opportunity man. You want to celebrate being a winner, I won’t mind you riding me for a score.

I wasn’t like that anymore, though. I hadn’t gotten laid in months and even that night was lackluster. I wasn’t at my finest. And she wasn’t the woman I wanted underneath me.

I wasn’t allowed to think about the woman I wanted.

We were pretending we never touched.