Page 81 of Hauling Ashe

“I’m so happy you returned,” Tucker says.

“I knew you’d miss your phone,” I tease.

“I missed you, sunshine. I already missed you.” His voice softens while the words run deep and he kisses me once more, keeping me close for a little longer.

Eventually, we slip apart, and he lays on his back telling me all that happened. Then I tell him what I learned from Mati in the car. I’m on my belly, pressed up on my elbows while his fingers lazily toy with my hair.

“It’s all so surreal,” he says glancing up at the ceiling. “The guys are here, and Julia wants me to play something at the wedding. It’s too much.”

“Maybe she knows you’ve been missing something important inside you. Or maybe she knows you need this to finally heal.”

“Heal from what?” Tucker asks, his question sharp.

“A lost dream. Or the betrayal of Rochelle.”

“She died,” he says, his brows pinching.

“She had an affair.”

“Julia doesn’t know that.”

“Are you sure?” This wasn’t something I’d expect father and daughter to discuss, especially in the early days of Rochelle’s death. Tucker wanted to protect his daughter from all things negative surrounding Rochelle. Maybe he’d held back but a mother might not have. Rochelle might have told her daughter what she planned to do. How she was leaving her father, for whatever reason she might have given. Mothers and daughters share things. Fathers only try to protect their little girls. At least, that’s what I’m told. I never had a father who made me feel safe like Tucker wants to do for Julia.

He looks away from me again and I reach for the medallion at his chest, fingering it against the strap. He covers my hand, flattens my palm against his skin, keeping his over mine.

“Sunshine.” He swallows. “I need you to stay the weekend with me.”

When his eyes meet mine, I’ve never seen such raw honesty or such desperate desire. I couldn’t pull myself away again if I tried and I slip up to kiss him, assuring him I won’t leave him behind again. We’ll figure out the future somehow. For now, it’s only another three days. I can give the time to him. We have wiggle room.

39

Playlist: “Harvest Moon” – Neil Young

[Tucker]

Mae squeezes my hand as I lead her to the wedding rehearsal. Of course, she has to let me go so I can practice walking Julia to the magical vine arbor designed for the service. The early evening wedding will be outside, and the reception will include a wine tasting hour next to a river on the edge of the property, followed by dinner in a new ballroom constructed inside an old barn no longer used for preparing wine. Miniature tea lights dangle from the ceiling, decorating the old worn structure in a shabby-chic country vibe.

Rochelle would have hated it, but Julia beams as I walk her down the outdoor aisle and practice the pass off to Chopper. My heart crashes and shatters and comes back together as this is the natural progression of things. A man wants his daughter to find a good person who loves her and respects her, and I’m confident Chopper does. He’s a dreamer like her, but he’s also solid and she deserves that.

Once the rehearsal finishes, the party takes over the small bar again, sharing a meal with only immediate family at our table. Mae and I have met Lily, Brut’s wife, and their two children under four. I can’t imagine starting over near fifty, but I quickly learn how Lily and Brut are reunited lovers.

“She’s the one that got away,” Brut teases, pulling his wife close to him and pressing a kiss to the short honey-blond hair at her temple. “Got her pregnant so I didn’t lose her again.”

He’s teasing. I’ve learned the complicated backstory to their relationship. Brut raised Chopper as a single father his son’s entire life. Lily and Brut’s renewed relationship leaves me with questions. Could I start over so late in life? Could I commit to someone like Brut and Lily are committed to one another? Rochelle and I had been in our own worlds for so long, the adjustment to her passing wasn’t what one might expect. The idea of her being gone was more upsetting than her absence. We hadn’t been together for a while.

I reach out for Mae’s hand under the table and squeeze. Getting her pregnant to keep her won’t be happening, but I’m trying to figure out how to make things work between us.

Hank also sits in the room with his wife, her three teenaged sons, and their daughter, also under age four. So much has changed, as it should, but I’m still struggling to wrap my head around all the connections and the fact that the men from my former life are present.

Tommy and Edie, and Denton and Mati join us shortly after we finish eating, since the evening activities include all those present at the resort. Julia and Chopper have a small, tight circle of friends, ranging in ages, so it’s an eclectic group. Jude remains sullen and on the edge of the crowd. He loves his little sister. He’s protective of her, but he doesn’t like this scene and too soon he’s absent.

“We should practice something,” Tommy eventually says, sauntering up to me. He holds a whiskey in his hand while Hank’s hands are suspiciously empty.

“Need something?” I say to the former drummer, nodding at his empty fist.

“I abused the privilege, so I’m good.”

Wow. I’m proud of him for getting clean. Being a rock star can be hard on the body, and sex, drugs, and rock and roll are no joke. Alcohol is its own demon and I’m glad he’s tackled it.