Page 53 of Loving at 40

More distraction tactics? He must have been good undercover. That soothing tone. That solid stare. I can’t read him. Like the use of babe in every other sentence. Is that a throwaway word or an affectionate term of endearment? When he says my name in his rugged voice, it feels more genuine. It feels like I mean something to him.

“Mila and Lorna are set to babysit again,” I admit. “And I know my girls are looking forward to hanging out with the older ones.” They’ll have their own pampering time as Lorna and Mila promised to paint fingernails and toenails and have a craft project to do with the girls.

“Then don’t disappoint them either,” he says.

Will you disappoint me? I hate the thought. He can’t disappoint me because we aren’t together. We aren’t a couple or even friends with benefits. I don’t know what we’re doing, other than playing Vegas.

Too bad my heart isn’t good at pretending.

+ + +

An hour later, I’m ankle-deep in bubbling water. Autumn is babbling about being pregnant again, and Anna listens with her eyes closed. Maybe we all need this moment to regroup from responsibilities or long days or whatever else might be on our minds.

“I’m so sorry again,” River says once more beside me. “Trevor. . .” She sighs after his name. “He’s come a long way from where he was when I met him. He’s just—”

I hold up a hand to stop her eighty-seventh apology. Knowing a little bit of River and Zack’s story, I don’t fault him or River. What I really believe is Trevor should have known better, and I dislike the old adage, the situation was kids being kids. However . . . “My Rosie has a warrior spirit and a desire to scare the shit out of me. Even without Trevor’s dare, she might have climbed up that board and walked the plank to prove to herself she could do it.”

She’s still young, but I’ve had time to reflect that Rosie could have climbed that beam on her own. While Trevor encouraged her or dared her or whatever he said to coax her onto the board, my own little daredevil can be just as willful, and she knows how to say no to something if she doesn’t want to do it. Her personality is strong enough she would have walked away if she didn’t want to prove she was a pirate, and she’s clearly pleased with the outcome of walking the plank. “We both know it only takes a second to look away, and kids can get into all kinds of predicaments. I’m just grateful Archer was there.”

“I’m still new to being a parent,” River adds, glancing at the swell of her belly.

“Aren’t we all?” I’m certainly not saying I’m the perfect parent. Every day is a new experience with Talia leading the way for me and then Rosie twisting up what I learn because she’s so different from her sister.

“I heard about Archer’s reaction,” Anna interjects.

“It was pretty incredible,” River admits.

One minute, he snuck up next to me, startling me by covering my mouth while warning me not to scream, and the next, he was across the yard with Rosie in his arms. The entire experience felt like it was happening outside my existence. As if it were dream-like instead of reality. Just as I said to River, it was one of a million moments as a parent when you look away, and something happens.

Once again, everything plays out in slow motion in my head. I don’t know how I’ll sleep tonight, but it’s also a reminder of Archer’s promises. He’d never let anything hurt my daughters. His princesses. He plays along with their whims to be warriors, ice queens, and pirates. He really is dad material, even if he doesn’t want to be a father.

Glancing over at Anna, she’s watching me, and I try to school any expression on my face that might suggest how strongly I feel about her brother. Because I do feel something for him. Something strong. And wrong?

“You said you spent the day at a water park?” Anna asks, seeking clarification. I should have invited her and Mila to tag along or even Autumn and Lorna. Even River and her boys might have been included in an invitation if it hadn’t been Archer’s suggestion.

“Yes, Archer wanted to give the girls an adventure.” Instantly, I realize my misstep as River whispers, “Oh,” and Autumn’s mouth falls open. Anna stares at me. Not a glare but a question. I wish I had answers. I wish I could explain myself and my reaction to her menacing man brother.

“So, Archer was with you all day,” Autumn states, seeking her own clarification. I nod, biting my lower lip.

“And how is Archer, besides rescuing your daughter and holing up with you in his apartment?” Autumn teases, and heat creeps across my face.

“He’s . . . fine.” The hesitation costs me.

Autumn’s smile widens.

Anna’s mouth gapes. “Jenna,” she whispers.

“Nothing’s happening.” I sit upright while my feet dangle in the soothing water. “I’m only here a few more days.”

“Famous last words,” River mutters.

“I remember that feeling,” Autumn adds, giving me a knowing look.

“I’m not Archer’s type, and he’s not mine.” Instantly, I regret the words. In so many ways, Archer and I seem opposite, yet there are things about him I really do adore.

Pancakes. Princess movies. Water parks.

“Does Archer have a type?” River asks innocently enough.