Page 37 of Loving at 40

His head turns sideways, his eyes averted from our position. “Nope, didn’t see a thing.” He blindly reaches for the door and tugs it open, cutting him off from our sight again.

I turn back to face Jenna, lowering my forehead to hers. My hands haven’t left her hair, but one slides down her neck and finds its place above her left breast. Feeling that heartbeat under her skin. Knowing it beats for me, for her. We are both living, but I want that heart to love me.

My eyes close on the dangerous thought.

She’ll break me if she does. Heartbreaker and ballbuster all rolled into one. This woman could shatter me because I’ve never wanted anything more than to deserve her.

14

[Jenna]

Whoa! My heart races, and my lips want more. I’ve never been kissed the way Archer kissed me. His entire body was in that kiss. Hands in my hair. Bodies lined up. Chest to chest. And his mouth—it was sin, seduction, and something between. Unfortunately, Logan’s interruption brought us back to reality.

Once upon a time, I might have let some random guy take me up against a building, but that isn’t the direction I want to go with Archer. As he leads me back into the bar, I’m still catching my breath.

Noticing Anna sitting near a petulant-looking Mason, I yell over the music. “I should stay a little longer.” The comment has Archer spinning to face me. He’s holding my hand, and the shift of his body blocks my view of the table.

“You don’t want to go, babe?” Calling me babe would be sweet if he weren’t saying it every five seconds. It feels like an act, like he’s forcing the term to keep me in some sort of place.

I want to do everything with you, Jenna.

When he actually used my name, a shiver rippled up my body from my toes to my head, picking up steam in my midsection. My name in his strained voice was like a mini orgasm. That rough tone. His heavy breathing. I want him, but I can’t leave Anna. Plus, I need to get my head on straight. I am not here for some fling with my best friend’s older brother. That is so romance novel, and while I’m not opposed to the fantasy, the reality is . . . I can’t leave yet.

“For your sister.” Archer looks over his shoulder at his sibling, and the tension in him slowly releases. “I’m here for her,” I remind both him and me, hoping he understands. I talked Anna into this night. I can’t ditch her.

Archer’s eyes return to mine, and just like they did in the parking lot, they narrow and burn, but it isn’t desire. He’s questioning me, questioning something about me, but I can’t read him. And I still can’t believe he almost punched a guy for dancing with me. If he wanted to dance, why didn’t he ask? Just like if he wanted to kiss me, why hadn’t he before?

He certainly made up for it, kissing the bejesus out of me outside.

“Yeah. Team Anna,” Archer weakly mocks.

“Hey,” I whisper-scold. “Don’t be like that.”

Archer tips his chin up once to agree and squeezes my hand. Only I pull mine back, and he stops, glancing down where I struggle to be released.

“What’s this, ’Locks?” A mixture of hurt and apprehension fills his tone. He isn’t as angry as he was outside but still . . . upset, and I sense another eruption coming.

“I’m just . . . I’m here for Anna.” I don’t want to rub in Anna’s face whatever it is we’re doing, and we’re definitely doing something. Kissing her brother was not part of the vacation manual, yet I don’t want a refund on that kiss. I want more. More of him. More with him. However, everything about Archer says unavailable, and that’s not what I desire. He needs to be all in. For me . . . and my girls.

The music shifts to something softer, and the dance floor clears while we stand only feet from the table. A slow song comes on, giving people a break from the collective mash of country music involved in line dancing.

“Dance with me, babe.” He isn’t asking. He never asks. He just tells me, and I easily follow his command.

I place my hand in his, and he leads me out to the dance floor. I don’t even have to glance at the table to know all eyes are on us. Thankfully, Logan brings Autumn out to the floor, and Zack follows with River, keeping her back to his front to accommodate her belly. Mason and Anna remain at the table, and my heart breaks a little.

“It’s difficult to lose someone,” I say as Archer holds me close. My hand curls over his shoulder while his arm wraps around my back. “She’s lonely.”

Archer huffs at my ear. Aren’t we all, the sound says, but I can’t be certain he really is alone. He’s assured me of no girlfriend but avoided the hard topic of a long-term one. He wasn’t married, and something tells me commitment is an issue for Archer. In a relationship. If I knew what his job was, I’d say he might be married to it, but I have no idea where he’s been or what he does. Either way, I’m only a layover for him. Like the frequent flyer who makes a pit stop every once in a while to enjoy the local culture for a few days. The thought sours my stomach.

“It’s difficult to put yourself back out there,” I continue, uncertain why I’m explaining all this to him. A man I just kissed outside a country bar. Maybe I’m speaking more about myself than Anna. “It’s a risk to love again, or even to be involved with someone else. Anna has the addition of her kids to think about.” As do I. It’s why I haven’t dated since Ryan’s death. I don’t need a man on a layover. I need a man willing to be grounded. Archer remains silent, so I pull back to look up at him. “She can’t think about only herself. She’s a package deal. Family style on the menu. Party of more than one. She’s—”

“I think I got it,” Archer snips with a soft chuckle. His eyes stare back at mine.

“But she’s still human. She still has needs and desires as an individual. Not mother, wife, or teacher. She deserves to have those needs met.” I pause for a second, still wondering if I’m referring to Anna or myself. “Me time, I guess you’d call it. Personal time to be . . . free. Or maybe just be.”

Archer continues to look into my eyes, and we hold one another in that manner for a long minute.

Does he understand how to just be settled?