Page 24 of Loving at 40

If Noah is impressed, he doesn’t let on. Instead, he says, “I figured it was something like that.”

“How?” I tilt my head.

“No one enters the Magellen with Viviana Quintero on his arm unless he’s up to no good, and as I figured you were still a good guy, it had to be something other than that.”

I should question how Noah knows of Viviana, but I suppose working at one of the most highly prestigious and expensive hotels in Chicago, you’d see lots of celebrities from all walks of life. Even the lowlifes. It’s funny how someone who truly knew me, surmised in one chance encounter, that I was still decent. I’d known Vi on and off for nearly a decade, more on than off for two years, and she never picked up that I was a good guy. She liked ‘em bad, so that’s who I was.

I word vomit the entire story, telling Noah about my relationship with Viviana, the intention of it, and how it all went to hell. Explaining the details, I pat my inner thigh. “As soon as I get myself right again, I’m back at it, though.”

I cannot sit still. I’d be no good behind a desk and I don’t want to be caged in an office. I’m used to fieldwork and need to return to it sooner rather than later. It’s been almost a year.

“Assuming Ms. Quintero isn’t the one causing you to drink your weight in alcohol midafternoon, then who is it?”

“Fuck,” I groan leaning on the bar. “It’s . . . no one.” Jenna cannot mean anything to me. I need to get my head focused and my leg functioning. I don’t have time for the likes of her, which has me wondering why I’m even upset by her accusation. Still, it hurts that she thinks I’m some kind of deviant. I’ve played the role for so long maybe I come across as one. Maybe I am one. I’m out of practice at being decent.

Noah chuckles again, not believing me but letting it slide. “You going to Zack’s tonight?”

My head swivels in Noah’s direction. Zack is his younger brother and one of the Ben Kulis square of friends.

“Didn’t know they were having people over?”

“Zack’s trying to take the weight off your sister. Some shit about regrouping for two weeks every year as they promised Ben before he died.” Noah shakes his head, lowering his eyes to the bar. Ben was younger than us by three years. “It’s sad.” That’s all that needs to be said about a man who passed from pancreatic cancer barely a year after his diagnosis. That cancer is a mean motherfucker.

“It’s funny how they’re neighbors again.” I learned in brief how Zack ended up with the woman who inherited the house next door. Now, they’re engaged with a baby on the way. I don’t think I’ll ever be a father or a husband. Then my thoughts jump to little Rosie and Talia. Those two peanuts crack me up. One is a mother hen while the other has a mischievous streak waiting to strike. I call them both princess, but Talia is more like a queen-in-training while Rosie definitely wants to be a warrior instead.

“Yeah,” Noah weakly replies. Then he reaches over and pats my shoulder. “Come to dinner.”

“I don’t think I’m invited.”

“Anyone at the house is included. You’re family, man.”

Family.

It’s been hard to remember what family feels like, especially as my sister has invaded the family home. My parents sold our childhood home right after my youngest sister graduated from high school. They figured with no one sticking to the area, why should they? Then Anna returned with Ben, but my parents were only a few hours from their beloved grandchildren. I have no problem with my nephews and niece. It was just difficult to hear about them and receive the endless questions. When will you be settling down, Archer? When are you going to let a woman make an honest man of you? As if I was a lying cheat somehow because I wasn’t married. Then again, lying was a trait of my field. It was a means to an end.

“I don’t know,” I mumble, feeling the effects of my day drinking having lost count how many beers I’ve had.

Noah squeezes my shoulder. “It will be like old times, only minus making out with girls and smoking pot in the old tree fort.” Noah huffs. “The guys actually rebuilt it last year for Zack’s boys. River, his fiancé, calls it a pirate ship.” Noah shakes his head. “Man, we’re old.”

“Speak for yourself,” I joke, knowing all my parts other than my leg are in perfect working order.

“Still,” Noah pauses. “Come keep me company as I’m surrounded by all the love-sick, newly forty gang.”

His comment reminds me my sister isn’t love-sick. She’s heartbroken at the loss of her love and I should have been here for her. I should be a little more supportive of her current situation. She invited her friend for some reason, and I made a big stink about Jenna being in my place. This morning, I was ready to ask Anna to make room for Jenna in the main house. I couldn’t keep sharing my space with her if she didn’t trust me. But I heard the concern in Anna’s voice, laying blame on me once again, and the reminder of another crumpled relationship hits hard. Then, Jenna defended me, or at least took the fault herself, and now I just don’t know what I want.

“Free food. Outdoors. It’s got to be better than this,” Noah continues on his crusade for me to attend. “No offense, beautiful.” He nods at the bartender.

“You’re a pain in my ass, Noah, but you tip well.” The blonde snickers while shaking her head. She’s been eyeing me since I came in and we’ve exchanged friendly banter as bartenders do with strangers. I was working up to asking her if she’d like to spend some time with me, hoping I could rid my thoughts of one hot mother staying in my apartment. At Noah’s persistent invitation, and the flirtatious grin she gives him, I decide dipping my wick into the wrong woman won’t help me.

The last time I did, I got shot for it.

10

[Jenna]

When Archer shows up for the cookout at Zack’s house, I almost drop my beer. His smile is blinding as he enters the yard chuckling with a friend, who I quickly learn is Zack’s older brother, Noah. Where were men like these two when I was hooking up with all the randoms around my hometown? Then again, hotties like Archer and Noah were apparently living down here, some three hours away.

The younger set of kids run around the yard and the older ones linger on a cool-looking lounger that seats more than one person. Mila and Lorna are trying to hang out with Bryce, a soon-to-be high school junior who wants nothing to do with the middle schoolers near him. Lorna wears heart emojis in her eyes every time she glances up at Bryce who continues to ignore his sister’s friend and it reminds me of all the unrequited love I witness among the teenagers in my classroom. It doesn’t get any easier, kiddo, I want to tell Lorna, but I won’t crush her spirit at only thirteen.