Page 83 of Living at 40

“I checked on Lorna,” I whisper to him as he strokes my hair and slips a hand under the weight of it to cup the back of my neck. He tugs me tighter against him.

“You’re sweet,” he mutters to my temple.

“You’re both sweet, but I feel like I’m in fucking college again.”

Logan chuckles.

“Sorry,” I mutter over my shoulder. Zack lies on his back, face up to the ceiling but an arm over his eyes.

“No worries. Do I need to place a sock on the door or something once I leave?”

Logan laughs harder, and Zack flings back the covers. Glancing over my shoulder, I try not to admire his tight body. It’s been a shock to see how fit he’s become as a man in his forties. He’s always been attractive, but he’s sporting a serious six-pack. When I see something protruding from his boxer briefs, I quickly turn back to Logan’s chest.

“Get an eyeful?” He teases me as Zack exits the room, softly closing the door behind him.

“I’m only looking at you.” My head tips up to gaze at him. He flips back his covers, so I can crawl in next to him. The bed is only a twin, and it’s a tight fit for two bodies. He slips us lower, but I hesitate where to put my hands.

“Please don’t be afraid to touch me.”

“You need to teach me everything.” I speak to his abs and his pump before glancing up at his face. “I don’t want to ever feel so helpless again.”

Logan tugs me tighter into his side. “It wasn’t you,” he states, adding an extra squeeze to my shoulders. “This was not your fault.”

“I didn’t—”

“You don’t have to tell me anything. I saw it on your face. You thought you did something to me, and you didn’t. I was already worked up. It’s my stupid body. I know better.”

“Don’t say that about yourself. Just teach me so I know more,” I whisper, pressing a kiss to his left pec. “I don’t want to be a danger to your health.”

Logan softly chuckles. “You’re not. You’re perfect. I’ve told you before, while this disease has tons of information about it, it’s also highly individualized. And I will tell you more, but not tonight. I don’t want to keep talking about this.” His frustration rings through his voice, vibrating in his chest, and I stroke over the coarse hairs curling there.

“I just wanted to make certain you were feeling better.”

“I’m amazing now.” He presses another kiss to my forehead.

“I’m serious.” My voice is full of the concern and guilt I still feel.

“So am I.” His lips on my forehead linger a second, and I close my eyes, inhaling the scent of him. “You know, we could have some fun with this. If I dip again when we’re in the middle of sex, I could lick chocolate syrup off a spoon while you lick chocolate syrup off me. Or better yet, I could drizzle honey on your body and lap it up, especially one place in particular.”

His teasing tone does nothing to ease my anxiety, but I giggle as his hand lowers under the covers and hitches my legs over his.

“Hold onto me,” he whispers against my hair, and I tighten my arm around his middle. “Much better,” he whispers. “I’m sorry I scared you. Tell me the truth. I can get mean or even pushy. Did I do that to you?”

I press another kiss on his pec and tell him what happened. His arms tighten around me until I’m certain we can’t get any closer.

“I would never hurt you like that. Never. Don’t be afraid, okay?”

“I’m not.” I pepper his chest with kisses, intending to soothe his worries. I want to take care of him. I need to take care of him. “I don’t want to lose you.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” Logan states as if answering an unspoken question. Could he die from this?

We remain quiet for a while, holding each other like we’ll never let go before I ask something else that’s been on my mind.

“What was all that earlier with Mason?”

Logan reminds me of what I’ve already learned about the business proposal when they were four drunk boys in college. “With Ben’s announcement, Mason’s really pushing things. Like he’s self-reflecting on his own life goals or maybe just wanting Ben to fulfill a fantasy designed when we were young and foolish.”

Thoughtful before I respond, I ask. “Was it really foolish to think you could work together? I only know the general concept, but it sounds like a plan that uses each of your talents.”