Page 77 of Living at 40

“Maybe he doesn’t have the money,” I state, lowering my voice to defend Logan.

“Maybe he’s just chickenshit to make a change in life,” Mason snaps. It’s an unfair argument as Logan has gone through a major change with his ex-wife leaving the country and obtaining full custody of his daughter. A change he hasn’t had the time to adjust to quite yet.

“It’s not as easy for everyone else to just pick up and go,” Zack argues, inferring Mason’s sudden move to Ben’s garage, or maybe Ben’s rush to move to Lakeside.

“Whatever,” Mason mumbles like a petulant teen. “I need out of the sun.” Mason presses himself up from his chair and stumbles off for the wooden stairs leading upward.

“Is he drunk?” I ask, watching Mason sway as he walks through the sand.

“He’s hungover,” Ben answers.

“We both are,” Zack admits. “The devil is named tequila.”

“Oh God. Aren’t you a little old for the worm?”

“Yes.” Zack chuckles. “But then again, I never want to feel too old for anything ever again.” It’s an ominous statement, and I don’t know what he means. He stands next and follows Mason, picking up a cooler that must be empty and carrying it with him up the stairs.

“Was it something I said?” I ask as the circle of chairs is now clear minus myself and my brother.

“It’s not you. It’s them.” Ben looks off toward Logan and Bryce tossing a football over Mila’s and Lorna’s heads.

“Is everyone acting weird because of . . .” I can’t bring myself to say the words.

“Yes,” Ben answers adamantly, squinting off at his children. “Maybe I shouldn’t have told them yet. Maybe I should have waited.”

“Ben,” I whisper and clear my throat. “They’re your best friends. They would have wanted to know, and they wouldn’t have wanted to stay away. They’re here for you. For Anna and the kids. We all are.”

“I know,” he replies quietly. “I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve such good friends.” To my surprise, Ben blinks several times. Shit. Please don’t cry. My fingers twitch, eager to reach for him, wanting to comfort him, but I’m afraid if I touch him, I’ll start crying.

“So. You and Logan, huh?” He chuckles as he swipes at both eyes with one hand, drawing his fingers to the bridge of his nose. When he looks up at me, I pretend I don’t notice the liquid in his eyes. “I couldn’t have picked a better man for you.”

“Ben.” I softly laugh. “I don’t know if it’s like that.” Heat creeps up my chest, and I lower my eyes from my brother’s stare.

“You’ve always had a crush on him, and he’s crazy about you.”

“How do you know?” I ask, lifting up to peer at him.

“I just do. And I know Logan. Once he’s in, he’s in.”

“Right now, he’s out with Mason and this idea, though.” I’d never heard of this secret business plan amongst them.

“He’s out because I’m out. I can’t ask Anna to invest in this when we don’t know what the future holds, and Logan wants things to be solid before he commits to anything. He’s always been like that because of the losses in his life. He’s slow on the uptake, but once he makes a decision, he’s all in.”

I consider what I know of Logan—losing his father as a child, his mother as a teen, and his wife to divorce in his thirties.

“If he’s in with you, all I ask is the same of you,” Ben states. “I love you, kid, but don’t hurt him.”

“Me?” I’m shocked at my brother’s warning as I’m the one typically hurt by the men in my life.

“You’re strong, Autumn, and you always recover.” I stare at my brother, wondering where his idea of my confidence and strength comes from. He’s the one who said men were phases. Then again, based on the number of relationships I’ve had and the longevity of each, Ben knows I’m loyal to a fault.

“He’s strong, too,” I defend, especially when I consider Logan’s willingness to give me a baby and not be involved. At least at first, that was the plan.

“He’ll make a good father,” Ben states as if reading my thoughts.

“He already is,” I remind him. “But so are you.”

Ben nods, watching Bryce tease Mila as he holds the football over her head before tossing it to Logan. Ben’s going to miss so much, and my heart breaks at the thought. Unable to resist, I reach out for his wrist this time, and he glances down at where I touch him.