Page 62 of Living at 40

“Is there something I can do to help with Lorna? What did Zack say?”

“He has a lawyer friend looking into the custody agreement, but he’s pretty certain moving out of the country is out of the question. Chloe either needs to stay here without Peter or relinquish Lorna to me.”

“Wow. You’d have her full time.” Lorna is amazing, and I have no doubt Logan will be a wonderful single parent. He’s already doing the single-dad thing, but he’s still sharing time with Chloe. Having Lorna all the time will be a new challenge, especially as she enters middle school. A girl needs her mother, but I can’t deny Lorna needs a father like Logan in her life as well.

“That’s what I want.” His firm tone tells me he’ll do everything to battle Chloe if she tries to take Lorna away, and I love how protective he is of his child. I’d love a man to be just as protective of mine . . . and me. I’m at such a crossroads, and the name of my café sounds rather prophetic. I still want a baby, but I sense even more how now is not the time with Logan.

“I’m sorry I made you leave work,” I admit as he remains propped on an elbow wedged between me and the back of his couch. His hand continues to skim down my body. He’s gone through the valley between my breasts and landed on my belly, kneading the soft flesh.

“I’m not worried about work. How are you feeling?” His head lifts, and his eyes scan mine. “Cramps? Headache?” Is he really concerned about my period?

“It’s just the usual. Cramps. Headache.” I repeat for him, excluding that ugly, heavy flow in the first days. I feel sluggish, even sleepy, but I would not trade the position I’m in right now with him next to me on this couch.

Logan hums—an ominous sound.

“What?” I tease as his hand lowers, returning under my shirt to touch my skin. His fingers curl into the waistband of my ratty, old shorts.

“I’m on my period,” I state, eyes widening at him.

“I’m not afraid of blood.”

“Oh my God. You did not just say that to me.” I scoff.

“I’m saying this. Shower. Now.” Logan hops over me with the agility of a cat, landing on two feet beside the couch. He lowers both hands for mine and hoists me upward.

“Logan,” I warn, but before I can add further reprimands, I’m up in his arms, and he’s carrying me off for the bathroom.

24

[Logan]

We didn’t have sex, but we did other things to get much-needed relief from the tension surrounding us when Autumn first arrived.

I ordered in from a favorite barbecue place downtown and selected a movie to watch, although I’m not really paying attention. Autumn is seated between my spread thighs on the extended settee portion of my couch. Her body leans against my chest, and I toy with her hair. Wearing one of my tees with a blanket over her legs because of the air conditioning in my place, I like seeing her in my clothing, and I love having her in my home.

My place isn’t filled with art or trinkets like most houses. I have pictures Lorna made magnetized to the fridge and photographs of us here and there, but for the most part, my place looks like a bachelor pad with a large screen television on the wall and the oversized couch with an extended end. The rooms here could use some color, and Autumn could be it.

I’m comfortable in how we sit, and I wish we’d had more moments like this at Lakeside Cottage. We weren’t necessarily fooling anyone about what we did at night, but we tried to keep a respectful distance during the day. Most likely, the shared looks and occasional sneaking off for a quick kiss in a hallway or behind trees on the walk up the cliff didn’t miss anyone’s attention. Still, we never cuddled on the couch like we are now. It feels like a normal date-night-in which reminds me we’ve only been on one date.

“Three hours isn’t that far of a drive,” I say as I try to reason with myself that we could work.

“It’s not too bad. Pretty direct,” she states as if confirming my words.

“So how soon can we do this again?” I question, tightening my arms around her, realizing I don’t mean the sexy stuff, but hanging out with one another. I want to date her. I want to know her better. We’ve spent decades in the same circle but circling one another. It’s time to make her the center of my attention.

The best solution is a rotating schedule of visits. The complication comes in having Lorna. I never miss her activities, and I don’t want to start. However, I can’t ask Autumn to come to me every other weekend.

“When do you have Lorna next?” Autumn thoughtfully asks.

“As I just had her for two weeks, it’s Chloe’s weekend in a few days. The following weekend is mine.” I hated the idea of rotating weekends and limited visits during the week when Chloe and I first divorced. It didn’t seem fair. I wanted Lorna in my home when I woke and when I went to bed. I wanted all the little moments and the big ones between, but eventually, I had to learn to share. Chloe and I kept up with monumental steps, and it’s one reason Chloe’s recent betrayal stings so much.

“So, the weekend after that?” Autumn asks. That’s nearly two and half weeks away and sounds too long to go without her.

“How does that work with your cycle?” I tease, bringing us back to our original mission. After what she said to me earlier, though, I’m relieved to hear we’re both on the same page. I don’t want her with random men. I don’t want a list for her. However, I still want to give her that baby she desires. I want to give her so much more, but I need to tackle this issue with Chloe first.

Autumn’s head shifts off my shoulder before she sits upright and angles her body between my thighs to face me. Her eyes lower to my chest, and she flattens her palm to my racing heart.

“I’m not talking about sex,” she whispers, tracing her finger over the cotton covering my left pec. “I want to date you or whatever you want to call it.”