Page 59 of Living at 40

Tossing down my pencil, I stalk to my office door and freeze.

“Autumn?” I blink once and glance left, confirming I’m standing in my office and not dreaming of her presence. “Autumn, sweetheart, what are you doing here?”

I rush forward at the panic on her face. She’s so fucking beautiful despite the fear in her eyes and the washed-out coloring of her cheeks. She’s wearing a long overcoat which makes no sense on such a summery day. Then I notice she has on flip-flops and decide something is seriously wrong.

“Joseph, we’ll just be . . .” I point at my office as I reach for Autumn’s elbow and guide her into my space. Once inside, she takes a few steps away from me, staring out the window and wrapping her arms around her middle as I shut the door. Then she turns to face me.

“You have a nice view.” It’s an odd statement. Glancing over her shoulder, I look out at Indianapolis's cityscape, which isn’t bad but isn’t as great as seeing the lake.

“Autumn, honey, I’m assuming you aren’t here for the view. And I won’t believe you were just in the neighborhood.”

She lowers her head. “I got my period.”

Staring at her, my brows pinch. Shit. “Sweetheart.” I step up to her, but she steps back, and I halt.

Okay, then.

“You drove three hours to tell me you got your period.” I’m only trying to confirm that although she doesn’t want me to touch her, she drove some two hundred plus miles instead of calling me to tell me our little experiment did not work.

“Yes.” She looks up at me, dazed and confused as if even she can’t explain why she drove here instead of calling.

“Why?” My voice cuts. I saw her standing with her arms around Mason as I hit the end of Ben’s driveway. Or rather, Mason had his arm over her shoulder. It’s all semantics. We didn’t create what she wanted, and now it’s up to the next guy. My heart races, and I clench my hands.

“I just thought you should know.” She shrugs as she twists her lips, and her eyes avoid mine.

“So you can move on,” I snap, hating how I sound. Of course, Mason will be the next guy. He was always the one to steal girls away from me, or they fell for him after me. Suddenly, I’m that fat college kid once again not feeling good enough. My swimmers weren’t the sharks they needed to be and hadn’t gotten the job done. Maybe Mason already knows Autumn isn’t pregnant, which does not seem logical as I face the distraught woman before me, but suddenly, I can’t think straight.

Her head pops up at my sharp reply.

“No,” she states. “No, I just thought . . . I don’t know what I thought . . . you said you wanted to know. And I guess this means you’re free of any obligation.” She waves a hand between us.

“I didn’t realize I’d have an obligation.” She didn’t want me to be obligated. She just wanted me to make a baby with her. Swiping a hand through my hair, I’m frustrated and upset with myself for my unkind words.

“I-I shouldn’t have come.” She steps forward, but I block her path.

“Why did you then?” I question once more, holding up my hands to stop her retreat. She’ll have to go through me to get to the door.

“I just thought you should know.” Her voice shakes, and her lower lip quivers. Her arms tighten around her middle. “It didn’t work. I knew it probably wouldn’t on the first try, but we . . . and so many times . . .” A tear slips down her cheek. “Something happened between us, right?”

Guilt smacks me in the cheek. I reach for her, pulling her to me and wrapping my arms around her. Her hands cover her face as she buries it in my chest.

“Shh.” Her body trembles against mine, and the ache inside me is an open geyser, overflowing with sorrow.

“I knew it wouldn’t be so easy as to happen on the first attempt, but I also felt so certain that it had. It seemed like it just had to have happened. There was something. I felt it.”

Her head pops up as she speaks, her voice confident in her conviction while her hesitant eyes search mine.

“There was something there,” I whisper, confirming what she said. We had a connection, and it was more than just baby-making.

“Let’s get out of here,” I say, stroking my thumbs over her tear-stained cheeks.

“I don’t want to get you in trouble or anything.”

“You just drove three hours to tell me something huge, and I’m not letting you out of my sight. Where are you staying?”

She shakes her head. “I hadn’t gotten that far. I just noticed . . .” She waves at her lower body. “And got in my car, heading here to tell you.”

Leaning forward, I press a kiss to her forehead. “Okay, honey. We’ll go to my place.” Keeping my hands on her shoulders, I wait for her to acknowledge what I’ve said. I’m taking her home with me.