Page 5 of Living at 40

“Give me five minutes.” Spinning around, he quickly exits the kitchen for the front hall, and we hear his feet thunder up the stairs like he’s one of Ben’s boys. Awkwardly, I stand by the island, contemplating whether to give Anna and Ben space or stay in place. I’m afraid to walk away. Since our father’s death years ago from a heart attack, Ben has been the father figure I should have had as I aged. He’s my brother, parent, and friend, which is a lot on the shoulders of a sibling. Under the surface, I fear for the day I’ll lose him, too.

“Coolers,” I say, interrupting their intimate moment. With Ben’s hand still cupping Anna’s cheek, she snaps to attention first.

“Coolers,” she says. “Okay. Beer. Snacks. What else?”

“Towels.”

A small shed down by the water holds chairs and umbrellas plus water toys and other beach necessities. Still, it’s a production to hike down the one hundred and fifty steps to the beach below.

“I just need a minute,” Ben says, swiping his hand down Anna’s back before kissing her cheek.

“How’s he doing?” I ask as soon as my brother disappears.

“I promised him I wouldn’t talk about it.” The harshness in her voice startles me, and I blink once at the strong tone.

“Not even to me?” I question.

“No one. No talk of anything for the next two weeks.”

I nod to agree. His reasons are understandable, even if I don’t like them. These weeks are for him to hang with his friends and pretend he’s twenty-one again, even if he turned forty this year.

“What’s the story with Mason?” His palm kiss surprised me. If I didn’t know better, I’d consider it intimate. However, this was Mason Becker I was questioning, and I half expected him to lick my palm just to be disgusting. He’s also forty, and I’d like to hope that gives him a bit of maturity. Nah, I decide.

“He had that girlfriend a few years ago, and we all thought he’d finally found the one. When he got her pregnant, they moved in together, but we just knew it wasn’t going to work out. Lynlee is four, and she’s adorable, but it’s a sad situation. Her mother tries to keep her from Mason, pulling punches at him by withholding his own daughter.”

“Oh. I’m sorry to hear that.” I hadn’t known he’d had such an issue with his former girlfriend. I’d met her at my dad’s funeral, but I wasn’t in a frame of mind to evaluate her then.

“Some men just seem destined to be alone,” she mutters, and I wonder if she thinks the same thing of me. Will I always be alone?

+ + +

My nephews, Calvin and Bryce, are miniatures of their parents. Calvin has dark hair like Anna and eyes just as deep, while Bryce is a mini-Ben with blue eyes and blond hair. At sixteen and fourteen, they’re both on the cusp of manhood. They’ll break hearts and have their hearts broken as they are both lovers in their own right. Mila, my niece, is the wild one, and she’s my spirit child from another. If I were to have a girl, I’d want her to be just like the dark-haired beauty with eyes that match her father. She’s a combination of Anna and Ben, and has heartbreaker written all over her, even at ten.

“Aunt Autumn,” she calls out once I hit the beach with a giant bag of beach towels. “Come swimming.” She’s waving at me to follow her before I even set down my things.

“Give Aunt Autumn a minute.” Anna chuckles as Mila turns and runs to the water. “Are you sure you want one of those things?”

“One of what things?” I question.

“A child.” She laughs again.

“You’re having a baby?” The masculine voice behind me chokes. I turn to find Logan dropping the cooler in his hands as if it slipped from his fingers. The heavy object narrowly misses his feet, but he doesn’t move. He just stares at me.

“No. Yes. No.” My brows pinch as I glare at Anna.

“I thought you weren’t dating anyone,” he adds. His expression shows he’s slowly recovering from the shock of what he overheard although I don’t see why it would matter to him. Baby. Boyfriend. It’s none of his business.

“I’m not. It’s just . . . nothing.” I wave a hand and bend for the bag of towels, hastily pulling one out to spread over a beach chair. I could throat punch Anna.

“My sister is considering having a child,” Ben states, clapping Logan on the shoulder as he passes him.

“Way to blurt out something private,” I snap at my brother, who only smiles at me.

“Just helping you along,” Ben teases. I don’t even know what that means.

“It’s not like he announced you were on your period.” Logan gulps after speaking and visibly shudders as if the thought repulses him.

“You always were so funny,” I mock, giving him a death-beam glare like we’re still children. Here’s the thing about Logan—he was the funny guy in the room once upon a time, but I saw it for what it really was. He protected himself with humor because there’s a fine line between being the sweet guy and the sexy one. The sexy one typically won, and Logan wasn’t him among his friends. His sass sobered a bit as he grew older.