Page 44 of Living at 40

Jesus. “We cannot have that. My body is your plaything. Take what you want from me.”

She shifts a little to glance at me over her shoulder. “I don’t want to disappoint you, Logan.”

“Nothing about you could ever disappoint me,” I admit, laying her on her back and climbing over her. “We need to make up for this morning.”

“What was wrong with this morning?” We both recall how I rushed her in the shower.

“Standing up sex is not an option if we want to get pregnant.” We? “I mean, you. Everything dribbled out of you, and we need to keep the goods inside until the seed is planted.”

“Are you likening me to a garden?”

“I want to see you bloom.” I lower my hand for her belly, shifting to my side as we both gaze down at my palm covering the full, flat expanse of her stomach. For a moment, I imagine it. I see her swelling and us together sharing the experience, but that is not her plan. That’s not the direction she wants things to go.

The path we need to take is sex—again. However, somehow things feel different as we slowly remove each other’s clothing, taking our time to kiss and nip at one another until we’re both naked and on fire with need. She’s dripping, as she said, and I touch her until she gives me her first orgasm.

Pushing me to my back, she rolls over me and moves between my thighs, holding my shaft upward at the base and devouring me with torturous, teasing laps before sucking until I’m on the verge of erupting.

“You need to hop on pop before I burst,” I tease, although my voice is soft, strained even, and she chuckles. Climbing back up my body, she straddles me, sliding over my length with the heat of her pussy. She takes her time to lower over me, drawing me into her depths, making me feel like I belong there. I was made for her.

“Jesus,” I hiss, clutching at her hips. I’m going to blow, and we need to shift, but she doesn’t let me move. She works up and down my dick, taking her time to fill herself before dragging to the tip once again.

“Autumn,” I warn her. It’s too much. The slower tempo. Her teasing hum. Her hands coast over my chest while her hips rock, moving in small, sharp circles at first before slipping up my rock-hard dick and slamming back down again. She presses herself upright, completely swallowing me into her, and she scratches her short nails down my chest. Straddling me, she gazes down at me buried deep within her. With moonlight streaming over her lush body, she looks like a goddess again, and I want to know what deity I need to pray to to deserve her.

“You’re so beautiful.” I reach up for the tips of her hair, which fall over her shoulders as she undulates back and forth. Her clit rubs my pubic bone, and I know it feels good for her, but I can’t hold off.

I jackknife upright and flip her to her back. She lets out a squeal, but I smother the sound with a hard kiss to her mouth. My hips begin to hammer at her while her legs wrap around my lower back.

“Can’t. Go. Slow.” I can’t make love to her when this needs to be about sex. When this needs to be about her and what she wants as an end goal. I move faster, drive harder, delve deeper, until I can’t take another second. I still, and a fountain of release explodes within her. I don’t move other than the racing of my heart and the jolting of my dick, both pulsing in a rapid rhythm. One part of me wants to give her so much more. It’s a part that can’t be seen or even felt directly. It’s wrapped in faith, trust, and a belief that love exists. That I can love her if she’d let me.

17

[Autumn]

Logan and I fall into a crazy routine of sneaking into my room after each day’s activities. Boating and jet ski rentals. Fishing and tubing. More golf for the guys. Lunches, dinners, and drinks. The days are packed to keep people busy but relaxed, and all the while, I check off the minutes until Logan and I can be alone having the best sex of my life.

Something shifted the other night. It was more than the depth of him inside me, but deep in my soul, I felt something different. Then he flipped me as if trying to get back to who we were instead of stepping forward into who we could be. Admittedly, I could love Logan Anders. I always have in some way. There was no going back to being just friends. He was no longer my brother’s best friend, nor was I just Ben’s younger sister. Every moment alone was a new adventure between us and burrowing the idea of us deeper and deeper into my heart, allowing him where I shouldn’t want him.

He had Lorna. He lived in Indiana. He had a life outside of Lakeside. He was only doing what I asked, and I was certain I was pregnant, but it didn’t stop me from enjoying him, taking from him, using him to satisfy some fantasy in my head that we could be a family. That we were moving toward something together.

As time sped up, we neared the end of our two-week holiday, which no one wanted to discuss.

“Let me take you out on a date at least once,” Logan teases on Thursday morning. The guys are scheduled to leave on Sunday. Logan will head south to Indianapolis while Mason returns north to Traverse City. Zack will return east to the Detroit area, but Ben will stay here, and we will navigate being a brother-sister family living in the same city once again.

“How will we explain a date?” I chuckle in the early hours of the morning. Logan stays longer and longer through the nights, setting his alarm for dawn to sneak back to his room.

“As Mason and Ben know what we are doing, I don’t think it will be much of a surprise. I feel like I owe dinner to the woman giving me a million star-seeing orgasms.”

I laugh into the pillow. “Star-seeing, huh?”

“An entire galaxy,” he says, shifting to face me as we’ve just completed another universe-rattling moment of morning sex. He’s so hard when he wakes, and I don’t want to waste the eagerness with which he wants to release. Sometimes I need to allow him to go first inside me before he gives me attention, but I’m okay with that arrangement. Everything Logan does, he’s doing for me, and he never leaves me unsatisfied.

“Anna also knows,” I say quietly.

“If I could let you scream, the entire town might know we’re together.” With Lorna only doors down the hall, screaming with the orgasms he gives me is not an option, but I’m stuck on the words he’s spoken.

We’re together. How I wish it were true. Only a few days remain, and that leaves us with three nights.

“Okay,” I say, staring at him as he strokes back my hair. “Dinner tonight then.”