Page 22 of Living at 40

“His dick. You can say it. His dick.”

Her face heats, and she giggles like we’re teens. “I know. I was just trying not to be so crass.”

We’re silent for a second, fighting smiles. “I bet he has a nice dick, though.”

Her pinkened face turns a brighter shade. “I don’t think about those things.”

Chuckling, I say, “Come on. Not once have you wondered about someone else besides Ben?”

Straightening her shoulders and sitting a little taller, she’s adamant as she says, “Only Ryan Reynolds.” Then she falls over on the bed like she’s revealed her darkest secret, and I’m laughing even harder as she covers her face in shame.

“You wild thing,” I tease. Anna was quiet when Ben met her, shy even. While my brother wasn’t necessarily a deviant, he wasn’t innocent. He was outgoing, and he pulled Anna into him. They were opposites in some ways but mirror images in so many others. If she ever had considered Mason, she’d never admit such a thing, especially to me. I was still Ben’s sister.

Sobering up a bit, she sits back up, leaning on one arm. “I just want someone decent for you.” We stare at one another a second before we both break into laughter once more.

Another knock occurs on my door, but this person doesn’t wait for an invitation. Popping his head inside, Mason appears with his model-worthy smile. “Sounds like I’m missing a slumber party.”

Anna chokes, struggling to contain her laughter, as Mason helps himself to enter my room. He leaves the door partially open and steps up to the bed, waiting for only a heartbeat before tossing himself down next to me. With his back pressed against the pillows at the headboard, he crosses his legs, dangling his feet over the edge of the bed.

“What are we discussing? Our periods? Boys? Sex?” He drops his voice to sound like a young girl while each word rises an octave in excitement.

“Yes, our periods, so get out,” I say, shoving at his shoulder, but he stretches his arm around me and tucks me into his side.

“Tell me all about it. Actually, tell me if you’re ovulating. Is this a good time for you?”

“Oh my God,” I blurt, pressing at his chest to release me, but Mason tightens his hold, and Anna chuckles. I’m not answering his question, but actually, now is a prime time if I were to calculate. I’m roughly two weeks out from having my period, and the signs will soon begin—bloating, swelling breasts, daylong headache. Chocolate will jump to the top of the food chain along with salty products.

“You know, these are things to consider. The timing will have to be just right with whomever you select,” Mason states, almost sounding like a doctor.

And we’re back to discussing all things pertinent and personal for Autumn-makes-a-baby.

“Guys, I think I can figure this out.”

“I can figure it out for you. I’m good at examining the female body,” Mason decrees, and I groan. Anna squeals his name, and my door opens wider to reveal Logan. The smile on his face instantly slips away as he takes in my position with Mason. I’m on my bed, tucked under his arm with my hand on his chest.

“What am I missing?” Logan asks, but the suggestive playful tone he could have is devoid of any teasing, unlike Mason’s when he entered my room. With Logan’s eyes focused on me, the question admits he wants a different answer than girl talk.

10

[Logan]

To say my heart stopped when I see Autumn leaning into Mason is an understatement. My blood runs cold. Oxygen ceases to exist. I don’t want her with him. I want her with me. It’s primal in thought, but my Neanderthal roots beg me to stalk across the room and drag her from the bed.

She’s mine. She had a crush on me when we were kids. She kissed me on the landing. She belongs with me, and everything in me is screaming of possession.

However, Mason curls his fingers against her arm, holding her to his chest even when she’s pressing her hand to the tight tee he wears to show off that he’s fit and has man nips. No one wants to see that business. My eyes narrow, and Mason tweaks one brow at me. He knows he’s pissing me off.

Mason and I have competitive spirits, but deep down, I could never compete with him. He’s got that cool hair and seductive swagger about him that draws chicks like magnets. He’s a dick, but women love that shit, and nice guys finish last. Fat guys don’t even cross the finish line. My solid stature and winning personality didn’t beat savvy flirting and a slim stature. Although flirty humor could catch a girl’s attention, I worked extra hard to prove I was worthy of keeping. Most times, it didn’t work in my favor. The game has changed a little with my weight loss and a healthier lifestyle, but I’m still me, and it upsets me that with my outer shell improved, my gooey insides aren’t seen as good enough.

Why would she sleep with me? It’s a question I can’t answer for myself. While I want to give her all the reasons—I’m loyal, dedicated, and I’d be good to her—that’s not what she’s looking for. She wants a means to an end, and maybe I’m not that guy. Maybe Mason is better. He can love ’em and leave ’em like no one else. He’s been single his entire life. Still, I don’t like the idea of Mason fathering another child and not being devoted to said kid in some manner.

As I stare at Autumn, asking my question—“What am I missing here?”—my meaning is twofold. What the fuck am I witnessing, and what’s wrong with me?

Shaking my head to snap out of my thoughts, I change tactics like I always do. “Just came to say good night to all the pretty girls.” I cross the room to kiss Anna on the top of her head. Stepping to the side of the bed, I lean over Mason and cup Autumn’s face. With two hands on her cheeks, I lower and kiss her like I did earlier, claiming her with lips and tongue and the determination that Mason will not have her. She almost chokes at the eagerness I put into the kiss, swiping over her lips, stroking her tongue, and then quickly releasing her. With her eyes closed and her lips swollen, I’m satisfied I’ve made my statement.

Then I turn to Mason, who watches me. “Six point three-four for effort,” Mason mocks. “If that wasn’t so sloppy, it might have given me a semi.”

Cupping his cheeks, I lean in as if I intend to kiss him the same way, but he’s quick to remove his arm from Autumn and push me back from him.