Page 51 of View With Your Heart

“We’re going to Rogue River, that new country bar.” Rogue River opened last season on the tip of Elk Lake City. It’s such a great location and newly turned over from a dinner restaurant that stood there for decades.

“I don’t know how well I’ll be shaking my groove thing,” Tricia teases, rubbing over her belly. She’s due in September.

“Same,” Pam says, smiling as she looks down at her stomach, which isn’t showing nearly as much as her sister’s.

“How are you both feeling?”

“Like a spare tire is attached to the front of me.” Tricia laughs at the addition to her taller frame.

“I’m certain this little one is working on being a heavyweight champion,” Pam chuckles, stroking a hand over her midsection.

“I remember the feeling,” I admit. “I loved being pregnant even though I was young.”

“How old were you? Twelve?” Emily teases.

“I was twenty-three when I got pregnant and had Gee when I was twenty-four.” My eyes shift to Gavin, who stands near enough to hear me, but I can’t be certain he’s listening.

“Wow. You don’t look a day over twenty-five.” Emily chuckles.

“I’m thirty-six.”

Pam’s brow pinches. “You’re still younger than me.”

“Well, I found pregnancy so . . . fascinating. The changes to your body. The way it accommodates life. I loved it when the baby moved inside me, although it wasn’t always convenient.” I recall sleepless nights and the accompanying fear that I wouldn’t be a good mother, especially as a single woman then. I sigh, accepting that I’d never have that experience again. Patrick and I never conceived.

“How long were you married, if you don’t mind my asking,” Tricia asks. I swallow hard, my eyes shifting to Gavin again. His back straightens, his body language suggesting he’s listening.

I could lie. I could tell them the thing I’ve never fully clarified with my own child. Gee is twelve. He believes Patrick and I were married for the entirety of his life, and it really doesn’t make a difference to him. But I like these women, and I’d love to have more women friends in the area. A lie, or even an omission of truth, wouldn’t be the best way to start friendships.

“I was married for eight years. Patrick and I didn’t marry until Gee was almost one, and then he died three years ago when Gee was nine.”

My gaze drifts to Gavin, who pauses mid-lift of his beer to his mouth. Slowly, his hand lowers.

“I’m so sorry for your loss,” Pam says, pulling me back to the conversation.

“Pancreatic cancer,” I admit and notice Karyn Carter bristle. Her mother has the c-word also, and she understands. “And that’s a downer on this happy occasion.” I try to laugh it off, but the memories wash through like a wave, and the emptiness lingers. Although it’s been years since Patrick’s death, the year he was sick was one of the most challenging times in my life. Celebrating this happy occasion isn’t the time to be remembering my own loss.

“He was lucky to have you,” Emily says, reaching out to hold my hand.

“I was lucky to have him,” I quietly admit, still feeling uneasy with Gavin so close.

Karyn’s been quiet during this conversation, and she looks at her phone. “Where are those boys?” she mutters, changing topics, and I’m grateful for the shift. “I swear Holden has selective hearing like his father.”

I glance at my phone as well, wondering if Gee checked in. The street fair is nothing more than restaurants offering their favorite menu items or specialties on the sidewalk. The library hosts some games for little kids, and a local band plays music, allowing couples to dance on the pavement of Main Street. TeasMe! is closed by the time the festivities run, and we don’t usually stay open later unless it’s our own special event.

“I can take a walk up there and check for the boys,” I say, suddenly needing a moment after talking of pregnancy and death. Main Street is only two blocks from Jess and Emily’s home.

“I don’t want you to leave,” Karyn admits. “I’ll send Tom. Then again, he might get lost himself and find himself in Town Tavern.” She shakes her head with a slight laugh.

The night continues with Tom finding the boys and Gee asking if he can spend the night at Holden’s house. I haven’t had to tackle sleepovers before, and I’m hesitant at first. It’s not that Tom and Karyn aren’t good people. It’s just that Gee’s never been away from me, and sleeping at their house is too close for comfort. While I admitted the truth of my marital status, I’m edging closer and closer to something more revealing and damaging.

Eventually, I give in, and the boys remain close to the house, letting Grace Eton’s sons join them in the front yard to play football.

“Hey,” Gavin says.

“Hey.”

“Having fun?” he hesitantly asks. After what I heard on the stairs, we haven’t been near one another.