Page 95 of Silver Player

Why did he?

Thanks. That was fun.

“Say you didn’t mean it? Say it was more than wall sex?” I whisper, my heart hammering in my chest, trying to recover us. Not the us that prods and pokes but the us whose bodies connect so easily.

But he says nothing.

He’s already given me all his pretty words last night.

I made love to you.

I was a first in his bed.

Perhaps the reality of those things hit him this morning, or maybe he never meant them. It’s like the light of day brought new awareness. We aren’t poking at one another like we do. This is different than that.

“We should go get Sadie,” he says, stepping back from me, and I realize as he walks away that I fell for all of it. His sweet words. His tender touches. I fell for him.

And I’ve been played by the player.

33

Family shouldn’t be the enemy

[Billy]

She was going to say goodbye. I felt it when she didn’t answer my question. When she couldn’t tell me how she felt after I’d tried to be so honest with her last night. She was pulling away, and I promised myself I’d never be left again.

Or maybe she really did want it like all the rest. Ride the Billy Harrington express. One stop only.

Damn wall sex.

But it wasn’t that simple. Nothing was that simple.

We drove in silence to Mountain Spring Lane, the famous lane with only three antebellum homes. Roxanne wanted to go home first, but I told her this was easier. I could pick up Sadie, drop them both off, and then walk away without a scratch. Only that continual clawing sensation, the roots of a tree growing inside me, is now gouging out my heart.

Why was I such an ass?

When we arrive at my parents’ house, Roxie keeps her arms wrapped around herself, tugging her jacket tight over her dress. It’s obvious she’s still wearing the same clothes as last night, and this might be the worst walk of shame anyone ever had.

After the night we had, and the way I opened up to her, she could have clung to me instead of making me feel like the whole night was just her wanting something she’d never had.

Wall sex, I huff to myself.

What’s the big fucking deal? It wasn’t me she thought she saw, but she wanted it like she wants a piece of me. Not my heart but a part of me others have taken.

And I find myself falling in love with her when she doesn’t feel the same way.

We enter the house to a gaggle of female laughter. Sadie is surrounded by the women of my family. My mother; Mati; my nephew’s wife, Maggie; and my other nephew’s new fiancée, Hollister. Lucy and Sadie join the mix. We just need Giant’s daughters, and the circle of women would be complete. I turn to Roxanne, finding her staring at the family tradition. Eyes suddenly hollow as she takes in the mess of ingredients and the cheerful faces.

“It’s our annual Christmas cookie-making day,” Lucy announces.

Shit. I recognize the look of someone on the outside looking in. I know that look because it’s been me so many times, watching my dad praise Giant or dote on Mati. His pride in Charlie as the mayor and even his sadness at the loss of James.

I reach for her, but she shifts away from me.

“So how was your night?” my mother asks, her eyes moving from mine to Roxanne’s and back. Her perfectly arched eyebrow arches in question with a hint of concern.

“We had fun,” I say, knocking my elbow on Roxanne’s arm, and she smiles a pinched grin.