Page 82 of The History in Us

“It’s going to be okay, Katie. Take it as a sign. It wasn’t meant to be this one.” I smiled, dipping my chin to make her look at me.

“I think that’s easy for you to say. You never want what’s in front of you.” She tugged back, but I tightened my hold, gripping her hand firmer, wrapping around her waist tighter.

“What do you mean?”

“The job. The finalist. Me.”

“I wanted that job,” I retorted. “But it turned out it just wasn’t for me. It wasn’t the one. I have other plans.  As for the competition, I already told you, I don’t want to write. And as for you, you’re all I want, Katie. I don’t know how you don’t see that. You are the one.”

She blinked at me, confusion closing her pinched forehead.

“You called Alicia. She knew about the job before me. You wanted her to take care of AJ. All understandable, but still…” Her voice quivered.

“Still what?”

“It hurt,” she snapped, ducking her head as she thought she spoke too loudly.

“Why?” I squeezed her hand, needing the words, hoping what she felt reflected my feelings. “Why did it hurt, Katie?

“Because…I…” I couldn’t take the suspense any longer, I needed her mouth on mine. I needed to feel the words against my lips. Fuck the ballroom. My mouth lowered, brushing over hers, too tender, too brief.

“Tell me, Katie. Let me be your fantasy.”

Shaking her head, she stepped back from me. I was losing her and my heart raced. My palms sweated. The music closed as if it were pressing down on my chest. I willed the panic not to consume me as I tried to hold tighter to her hand in mine.

“I can’t be second, Levi.” She smiled weakly. “I’m always in the shadows, but I won’t be here. Not in this matter.”

“What matter? Tell me.” I jiggled her hand in mine, hoping to force an answer.

“Not where my feelings are involved, Levi. I’m in touch with my emotions. I know how I feel about things. I deserve the fantasy and I deserve to be someone’s else as well.” She tugged back far enough that I released her before I made a scene.

“Don’t abandon me, Katie,” I muttered.

“You abandoned me, Levi. You left me.” She walked away from me again, and all I could do was watch her leave.