Page 62 of The History in Us

Katie

Frightened would never be a word I’d use to describe Levi Walker, and yet those deep chocolate eyes, filled with amusement one moment and hollow the next, looked completely scared out of his mind as he finished.

“I didn’t use a condom, but I swear I’m clean.”

That wasn’t exactly the first thought I had. My first had been how perfect he felt inside me. If I’d had starry-eyed visions of Levi Walker before, they were nothing compared to what he had just done to me. I’d never felt so complete, and my eyes watered instantly.

The crash of his words brought a second thought—pregnancy.

“It’s okay,” he said, quickly withdrawing from me, as a tear betrayed me. Sliding down to my hairline, it seeped behind my ear. He kissed me awkwardly on the cheek before pressing upward and stepping away from the bed. I didn’t move. I didn’t have the strength physically or emotionally. I wanted to relive each detail but my heart suddenly ached. How could I feel so full and so empty at the same time?

Levi returned within seconds, and a warm washcloth pressed between my legs. The soothing heat felt good, and surprisingly, sparked weak hope of repeating what we’d just shared. What we’d just done, I corrected myself, sensing the act complete. Finished. Final. I was quite convinced Levi and I had not shared the same experience. For me, our connection had been everything. For him, I couldn’t even imagine.

“I can’t get pregnant. I’m on the pill, so don’t worry.” His brows pinched. His face stern. His quiet demeanor and hollow eyes returned, but he slipped to my side and pulled me to him. His lips pressed to the sharp angle of my shoulder.

“Thank you,” he whispered. Stunned, I spun to face him.

“For what?” I chuckled without humor.

“For giving me that.” Deep eyes searched my face but refused to meet my eyes. He wasn’t admitting anything, but the gratitude sounded sincere. I rolled to face away from him but pressed deeper against his bare chest.

“You aren’t going to leave, are you?” His words troubled me, the tone of his voice weak, almost childlike, filled with fear. My hand caressed up his forearm, which was crossed over my chest, pinning me to him. Fingers circled the metal band at his wrist—a medical band I’d come to learn.

“I’m not going anywhere, Levi,” I tried to assure him, but my own voice trembled. I’d never leave him, unless he wanted me to go. Despite his question, though, I wasn’t convinced he wanted me to stay longer than that night.

* * *

Two days later, I broached the subject of Thanksgiving. “What do you do for the holiday?”

Stunned Levi, looked up at me from his corner of the couch. I was sitting on the floor, my laptop on his coffee table, typing up information for our project. We’d collected a variety of images in black and white, finding the historical sepia copies online with plans to find the current architecture and take modern photos.

“I…I hadn’t thought of it. I didn’t plan on doing anything.” His eyes shifted from me to the silent television and back. “I think AJ’s too young to notice the difference whether we celebrate or not.”

I was curious what he had done the previous year as he had been with Alicia at the time. He’d hinted her family didn’t care for him. They didn’t like his military history and his late-in-life college degree. Photographer was also not high on their list of future-son-in-law wannabes. Alicia’s family had strongly misjudged him, but I didn’t offer my opinion. In fact, we hardly spoke of her so the rare admissions were surprising.

“Want to come home with me?”

Levi froze, hands hovering over his laptop. His eyes fell to his fingers and his brow pinched. Instantly, I regretted the hope in my voice. I tried to sound nonchalant, easy-going, like it would be no big deal for him to return to his hometown with me. Our hometown. We weren’t an item. We weren’t a thing, but I still thought it would be kind to invite him.

“I am home.” The sharpness to his voice told me I’d made a mistake in my assumptions. “I’ve told you that.”

“I know.” I swallowed. “But I thought it would be nice to spend time with family.”

His eyes shot up to mine. “I don’t have family,” he groaned, scratching the stubble under his chin.

“Uncle Leon and Aunt Tricia would love to see you.”

“Have you told them about me?” he barked, his voice instantly getting deeper, severe in his displeasure.

“No, I just thought…” My throat tightened.

“Don’t.”