Page 16 of The History in Us

Katie

He’d call me an Uber?The statement slammed into me, forcing my chest to collapse. The walk of shame would have been better. Of course, I didn’t personally know about the walk of shame. I’d never spent a full night with a boy, let alone a man like Levi Walker. I didn’t do sleepovers like Penelope. I didn’t have that many dates, only a few smatterings here and there. But although I wasn’t a virgin, casual sex wasn’t my thing. Yet, standing before Levi, my body experienced cravings it never had before—an aching, pressing need nearly suffocating me.

Embarrassment turned to irritation. Sexy Walker, damn him. His mouth on mine startled me, numbing rational thought. What surprised me more—how quickly I gave in to the taste of him. I was drunk off him. The flavor of whiskey on his tongue. The scent of alcohol in his breath. The warmth of his mouth. I allowed my senses their pleasure for a moment, responding like I never drank before. I followed his lead, chasing after him with a desire to catch him, swallowing him down my throat with a need for the burn. Then reality caught up to me, and like the sorry drunk I could be, tears threatened behind my eyes.

The offer of an Uber made me feel dirty.

“I think I can manage,” I muttered as I straightened my bag. I turned for the door when a hand wrapped around my upper arm.

“Wait.” When he presented me with a couple of twenties, I almost forgot why I was there. I’d been ready to lash out at him in anger. I hadn’t kissed him to be paid for it, but then I remembered AJ. I was the babysitter. The naughty babysitter. With shaky hands, I took the money and released my arm from his grasp. Without further conversation, I walked out of his apartment, but not before looking back up the staircase to find Levi watching my retreat. He scratched at his scruff-covered neck, teasing me with the sound, his eyes trained on me. I softly shut the door at the base of the stairs, locking away another memory.

* * *

Stunned by his attention, my fingers caressed my lips, bruised from the crushing blow of his mouth on mine. He tasted of all things bad, and my lips tingled with the thrill of not following the rules. But the moment I reached my apartment, the tears fell, uncontained, uncontrolled. The salty seasoning covered the swollen effect of his unsolicited kiss. Unsolicited, but not unwelcome.

“What happened?” Tuck asked. Despite it being after midnight on a Friday night, my newest roommate was home. A smattering of papers spread over the coffee table, her laptop sat open and her cell phone vibrated with notifications. Her bright, blonde hair was pinned on top of her head with two pens. I didn’t know if I should tell her what I’d done. Penelope was the wild one, not me, so she would understand my predicament.

“I was babysitting,” I responded noncommittally as I dropped my bag by the couch, swiping at the tears on warm cheeks, and staring at the television with its low volume.

“Really. You look flushed.” Tuck watched me, reading me. She scanned my face like one skimmed emails and I was certain my expression read: RE: I kissed a taken man. I kissed the father of the child I babysat. I was guilty of playing naughty-nanny, if only briefly. Instantly, my hands covered my face as if I could block her from seeing my shame. I collapsed onto the couch next to her.

“What did you do?” Her hands reached for my wrist and tugged gently, forcing my palms away from my face. My head shook with guilt.

“I kissed him,” I whispered.

“What? Who?” she giggle-choked, and then her expression grew serious, her brows creasing with concern.

“Sexy Walker. I babysat for him. And then I kissed him.”

A gentle O formed on her lips. “Is he married?”

“Single father.” I paused, shrugging, as tears slipped down my face again. “But there is still something missing. I can’t figure it out. Like he’s hung up on something, or someone.”

What was I thinking?He said he wasn’t married and he didn’t wear a ring, but I heard him on the phone when I entered the apartment. The woman had to be AJ’s mother. Maybe they were still a “thing.” Maybe she was a girlfriend. I shook my head with confusion, like the inexperienced woman I was with men.

“Well, that dirty son-of-a-bitch.” Her Southern accent rang heavier than normal as her fingers smoothed over my cheek, almost mothering me. A delicate hand came to rest under my chin. “What is it with men?”

“He’d been drinking—”

“They always are, sugar,” she interrupted.

“And he leaned in…and then I responded…and I don’t know what came over me.” My eyes blinked up at my roommate, but I did know what happened. I lowered my eyes in shame. Levi Walker happened to me, and it wasn’t the first time. It wasn’t even the second time. “Oh my God, what did I do?” It was as if the reality of saying what happened made it more real than it already was.

“You kissed a willing man,” she said as a way of comfort, tugging gently at my chin and lowering her eyes to find mine. “An unavailable man, but a willing one. Bastard.”

I shook my head, still unable to look her in the eye, but she tipped my chin upward.

“Sugar, men are scum. If he leaned in, it’s not like you threw yourself at him, right? You can’t call a baited fish unwilling,” she coaxed. I didn’t know who the baited fish was in that metaphor. “He shouldn’t have leaned forward, in the first place. Maybe he won’t remember. That’s always a man’s excuse. He was too drunk and he doesn’t remember.” Her voice hinted at deep knowledge of this experience.

God, I hoped he wouldn’t remember. How could I be so stupid as to remind him of my inadequacy? Small town girl. I’m pretty certain I wear the sign on my forehead despite living in Chicago. Gullible. It’s written in my surprise at big-city rudeness, nonexistent greetings, and lack of people knowing each other. Then again, it’s part of the reason I left Elk Rapids. I didn’t want people always remembering me, reminding me of who I was, where I’d been, and what happened. Silent Katie Carter. It was the past. I wanted to move forward.

But something told me Levi Walker was going to remember I kissed him back.