Page 14 of The History in Us

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By the time I sauntered home, I was cognizant enough to know I’d had too much celebration. While the Cubs won, I drowned in the effects of losing Alicia and questions about Katie. The wound was too new; I was still vulnerable. After nearly two months without her, the realization slowly trickled to full understanding. She wasn’t coming back. But then there was Katie, sweet Katie, who filled my darkness in the deep recesses of my mind. I didn’t fulfill the promise I made to her, and I prayed she forgot all about it. Sadness took over my celebration, and I became a sappy drunk.

I stumbled up the stairs and unlocked my apartment to find Katie curled up on my couch. With the television on, a soft glow illuminated the room in flashing colors, but the sound was muted. The baby monitor rested on the table before her, despite the small space of my apartment. I sat on the coffee table and stared down at her for a moment. She looked so innocent, laying on my cushions, with her blonde hair loosened from the ponytail, wisps fluttering under his breath. I reached out to press one wavy curl back and then thought better of it. She wasn’t a girl for me to touch. She was a Carter, and that meant she was off limits to me. I owed that family for so many things. Her aunt Tricia. Her uncle Leon.

Still, the curve of her hip, the tightness of her jeans, the swell of her breasts as she breathed in her sleep, did things to me. Things I didn’t deserve, creating thoughts I didn’t dare to imagine. My life was chaos, and I couldn’t subject her to my insanity.

Her eyes opened slowly, lids lifting lazily before the shock of blue hit me like a wave cresting. Falling onto the beach with a crash, the startled effect of waking uncertain of her surroundings washed over her. Her head rolled and she stared at the ceiling as if the spackled covering could explain her bearings. Her hand covered her forehead while she blinked. Then her head twisted back to face me.

“I fell asleep.” She stared at me. “I’m so sorry. I fell asleep.” She repeated the words, as if startled that she’d slept. Between the baby and my dreams, I knew all about restless sleep. About nightmares. She swung her feet off the cushions and her knees brushed mine as her feet came to rest on the floor. The swift caress of her knees with mine sent a subtle shock to my spine. The move was so quick, it startled me, and I stood quickly, just as she did. We collided chest to chest.

When she fell back, I tried to right her, reaching for her waist. The momentum pulled me forward, but my knee locked. She hit the cushions with a thud, as I released her, and I caught myself on the back of the couch. I towered over her, my arms trembling with the strength needed not to fall forward. Her head fell back on the cushions and those eyes looked up at me. Heaven on earth. Sapphires in the sky. I swallowed hard and she bit the corner of her lip. Fuck me. I pressed upward and stood back. I suddenly wanted her beyond all measure of need. Katie Carter would be everything to me, filling the empty space in my chest, rebuilding my heart. The thought startled me while it overwhelmed me.

I reached down for her hand, which she took, allowing me to pull her up from the couch. Stepping to the side to prevent colliding again, I didn’t release the delicate cool fingers in my large, roughened palm.

“Your fingers are freezing.”

“Your air is on high in here.” After years in the desert, I liked the cold.

I cupped both hands over hers and brought them to my mouth. Blowing into the cavern, my breath covered her thin fingers. Her pupils dilated, the black filling the blue.

“Old army trick,” I whispered, captured by her gaze.

“From a small town with cold winters, we use it there, too,” she said, then shut off those gems from me. Her face darkened in the dull light of the television. Was she embarrassed by what she’d said? I remembered that town, that cold, that trick. Only I wanted to do more than warm her hands.

What am I thinking?Katie’s body could serve one purpose for me, but I couldn’t go there with her. A quick lay was an easy find. Katie was the type you kept. I wasn’t ready.

Releasing her fingers, her hand fell slowly, as if she wanted to reach for me, hesitating just over my shirt, lowering toward my belt and then fisting at her side. I sighed in relief. If she touched me, we’d be on the couch in an instant. My dick was hard. My head was fucked. I’d had too much to drink.

“How was AJ?” My voice sounded too husky for such a question.

“He was amazing. He’s so cute,” she purred. Her blue eyes glowed back with admiration for my son. Could she ever look at me like that, with admiration for me? “I gave him the bottle at eight like you said, and he was fast asleep after a story.”

“A story?” I snorted. “He’s six months old.”

She shrugged and bent forward to pick up her bag. I closed my eyes, not allowing myself to peek at her perfectly curved ass in skinny jeans. As she stood, the bag slipped from her shoulder. I reached out to right it for her and let my hand linger for a moment on her thin shoulder. My fingers slid down her arm, slowly, taking the measure of her cool skin, and then dropped away.

“I don’t know how this works. I guess I should drive you home?” Time ticked slowly. For some reason, I didn’t want her to leave.

“I’m fine. I’ll just grab the bus at the end of the street. That’s how I got here.”

“The bus,” I exclaimed, suddenly panicked she would disappear. My heart raced. “It’s almost midnight. You can’t take the bus.” Could I convince her to stay? The idea was not a good one.

“Why not?” Her brows pinched in this cute, questioning expression, and I wanted to press a finger to the crease. Cute? Who says cute? A drunk man says cute.

“It’s late. You’re a girl,” I blurted, not making any sense. I rubbed my fingers across my forehead in frustration, a slowly developing headache hinted at a pre-hangover.

“Are you saying I can’t do something, like take the bus, because I’m female?” There was an edge to her response. A bite. The feisty sound hinted there was a little bit more to the dolce Katie sometimes staring at me in class. I continually waited for her to recognize my name and shout out my history, but I found myself guilty of liking how she looked at me, like she was drinking me in, like she was thirsty, a thirst I knew in the desert that involved more than dry heat and a landscape of pure sand. My mouth watered and I swallowed hard. I stepped toward her. Too close, my head warned. Inhaling her scent, I breathed deep. Stop.

“No, I’m saying as a beautiful woman, it’s dangerous to take the bus at this time of night.”

She blinked. Eyes caressed my throat, curled over my chin and stopped at my lips as I stood taller than her. She was young, but something told me that behind those eyes, she was older, wiser.

“You think I’m beautiful?” she asked softly while her eyes drifted over my face, warming me with a touch of blue. Of course, she was beautiful. She had the whole all-American girl thing going with that wavy straw-colored hair, bright eyes, tan skin, and a smattering of freckles over her nose. Too close. She smelled cool, refreshing, and tender, like a mixture of holding AJ and winter-fresh innocence. My mouth watered again at the combination.

“Yes, Miss Carter. You are very beautiful,” I replied, keeping my voice low as if someone might hear, but feeling like we were the only two people who existed in the world. Her face tilted upward, and those teeth bit the corner of her lip.