Page 12 of The History in Us

Levi

The scent of her caught me off guard. A subtle hint of something refreshing lingered at her neck. A neck exposed by her high ponytail. AJ’s crying settled at her mutterings and I watched her throat move while she mumbled something about a lost boy and a stolen kiss. My mouth watered and I licked my lips. I could relate to being lost and I’d stolen a kiss from this girl, once upon a time. I closed my eyes and inhaled slowly, savoring the fragrance of her, letting the memory of her lips on mine haunt me, as it often had.

“You’re good with him.” The thought struck me. She seemed like a natural. In a mere five minutes, she had been more mothering toward my son than his own mother. When those eyes of hers met mine over her shoulder, the bulge in my pants sprang. I had to stop thinking about her creamy skin or the curl of her hair around her ear. Another jolt to the zipper region, and I felt like a predator. I coughed and slipped a hand in my pants’ pocket, hoping to adjust myself before stepping back. I was running so late, but suddenly I didn’t want to leave. I wanted to spend time with this woman who nurtured my child. The thought unnerving and vulnerable feeling.

After settling AJ, I rambled instructions about bottles and diapers and then threw out my number and Alicia’s.

“Oh, is Alicia your wife?”

Dammit.How could I explain who she was? Then it hit me—what a waste of time it would be to give out Alicia’s number. While the initial shock of Alicia leaving was still present, it became clear after desperate phone calls to each of her family members that they had known her departure was coming. Her parents were sympathetic but supportive of Alicia’s decision. Her sister gave me a lecture on how the separation was my fault. Her actually picking up when I called again tonight surprised me.

“I’m going out tonight and I thought I’d try one more time to see if you wanted to see your son.”

After weeks of leaving messages, her voice in response surprised me.

“No. And stop calling me. I’m cancelling this number so you’ll leave me alone. And don’t call my family,” she huffed. “You know they never approved of our arrangement.”

“Arrangement,” I scoffed. “We got pregnant.”

“No. I got pregnant and you wanted a baby.”

I couldn’t say I actually wanted AJ, as in wished for him at first, but once I knew he was coming, I couldn’t deny him life. I’d already taken too many and witnessed the loss of too much to make that kind of decision about my own offspring. Besides, somewhere deep inside, I wanted this little being I could call my own in hopes that I might do something right for once. What a lie. I’d done everything wrong from the moment he was born. Just ask Alicia.

“Levi?” Katie broke into my thoughts, and I blinked as if I had forgotten she was present.

“No,” I sighed. “I’m not married.” I didn’t miss the twist of her mouth, or the way her teeth nipped at her bottom lip, but I didn’t give it a second thought.

* * *

When I finally got to the pub, I was relieved to find Anne was running late as well. I decided to sit at the bar, feeling disembodied from the noise of those who cheered on the baseball game. I slowly sipped a whiskey, loosening up for the first time in months. It made me realize just how uptight I’d been. Alicia’s departure was something I hadn’t seen coming despite the warnings. I just didn’t want to believe she would follow through with her threats. She was a dramatic woman. A one-night stand after too many drinks at a bar in Wrigleyville, to my surprise, I spotted her crossing campus the next day. She was a graduate student where I was only an undergrad at the time. Her dark hair and black eyes attracted me, the combination bringing me disturbing comfort. Her tempting smile pierced my reckless heart.

No commitment, she’d offered. Just a good time. She slipped me her number.

We had coffee later that day. It wasn’t romantic. It was a lukewarm gesture before another night of scorching but emotionless sex. We weren’t exclusively dating, but the time of our carnal knowledge seemed to hardly leave room for others. Still, I questioned AJ’s paternity when she told me she was pregnant. The instant AJ arrived, I had no doubt he was mine. Originally, she didn’t want the baby, but some consoling convinced her to live with me. I promised to do the right thing and offered to marry her. She refused.

She became distant during the pregnancy, not wanting me to touch her. She frequently went out once AJ was born. Suspicions of her cheating on me lurked, but I couldn’t prove anything. I didn’t know how to interpret her behavior. I didn’t have marital role models. My mother left when I was young. My father ignored me until I was in high school. Then all hell broke loose.

Cheers went up around me, breaking my reverie. I took a celebratory drink and swallowed the smooth sting. I’d tried to back off the stuff since the arrival of AJ, but the burn felt good, the warmth familiar, the drink like a homecoming.

“What’s up, asshole?” The firm clap on my shoulder announced the arrival of one of my first college friends, Grant Mullens. Daddy’s protégé. He played the role of prodigal son, constantly trying to dodge the billionaire business world of his father. He had become a friend by default. We ended up in several of the same courses over the years, and although he was younger than me, his mindset was that of someone older, despite his perpetual immaturity. College co-eds hadn’t been his thing any more than mine. Northeast University had been a last-ditch effort to pull himself together after he’d been kicked out of Northwestern University’s Kellogg School of Business. Self-professed playboy, he didn’t want to take over Daddy’s company, but the cards stacked against him. He graduated from NEU by the skin of his teeth and immediately started working for his father. I was surprised to see him, but the pub was in an upscale neighborhood north of the city. This was his territory.

“How’s Alicia?” he asked sourly, placing a fifty on the wooden bar and immediately grabbing the attention of the bartender. Within seconds, a double shot of scotch appeared, and he sipped his drink, forgetting he’d asked me a question. He didn’t like Alicia. He believed she’d trapped me in a relationship by getting pregnant.

“She left me.” We were pals, but didn’t stay in touch like old ladies. I was shocked by how easily I blurted out the truth.

“What happened?” The long and short of the story took less than five minutes to explain.

“So who’s watching AJ tonight?”

“I…I have a babysitter.”

“Are you banging her?” I snorted as I took a sip of whiskey, letting the amber liquid burn my throat and numb my thoughts of Katie.