Page 37 of Lose You Twice

Kai mutters, “Please don’t encourage them.”

Harlow’s gaze drops to the couch. “Why do you have Lily’s cat?”

I pick up the cat. “This is Mr. Buttons. He somehow made it into my bag.”

Kai looks between us. “I thought Mr. Buttons was a rabbit.”

Harlow grins, Grayson looks between us confused, and I just stare at Kai.

He goes still, wincing like he realizes too late what he admitted.

He remembers the rabbit too.

The twins used to drag that stuffed rabbit everywhere when they were little. It was gray once, then became a color no one could name after too many wash cycles. Kai used to pretend Mr. Buttons owed him rent because the twins kept leaving him in his car.

Looking away first, I start shoving things back into my bag. Notebook. Receipts. Pens. Hair tie. Plastic cat that would cause chaos if left behind.

One receipt falls near Grayson’s foot. He bends to pick it up and hands it to me without looking too long.

“Thanks,” I say.

“No problem.” His voice is easy. Kind.

I can’t handle kind right now. It makes me feel too close to falling apart, and I have poster board to buy before Justin decides his entire academic career is over.

Harlow moves toward the fridge. “You should stay for food.”

Putting my bag on my shoulder, I stand up to leave. “Can’t. Poster board and chaos await.”

“You can.”

“I really can’t. I told Holden I’d be back in time to be with the twins so he could go to practice. They had a late one today, so at least he was able to grab the twins. Sometimes I’m really glad it’s within walking distance, because we don’t have enough cars for him to take one at the moment.”

Not that he has more than his permit right now since no one has had the time to take him driving. I make a mental note to add that to my never-ending to-do list.

Harlow’s teasing fades a little. “Everything okay?”

There it is again. The question everyone keeps asking because apparently my face has forgotten how to lie.

“Yeah,” I say. “It’ll be fine. We can work on his poster once the twins are in bed, and I might even have time to look through the rest of my syllabi from class.”

“Do you need—” Kai stops himself before he finishes the question.

I stop breathing.

Do I need help?

Yes.

Always.

With gas. With money. With school. With the twins. With pretending my dad’s absence hasn’t turned my life on a complete one-eighty with no real plan in sight. With the fact that I am almost twenty-one and already tired in places I don’t know how to rest.

But help from Kai would feel different.

It would feel too close to before, when help was easy. When he carried sleeping twins inside after family barbecues. When he helped Holden fix his bike chain. When he knew which kitchen cabinet held the cups at my parents’ house and which window stuck in my bedroom.

Back when we were teenagers and thought wanting each other was enough.