Page 214 of Lose You Twice

I understand now why he told Dane he wanted to finish what he started here.

At first, I was upset that he hadn’t told me, because I never want to be the reason he holds himself back. Then he explained that he wanted to stay for his team. To achieve this moment.

Now he has.

Looking behind me, I find my best friend screaming and cheering for both her brother and her boyfriend.

Beside her, Mrs. Mercer is wiping beneath both eyes while Mr. Mercer wraps an arm around her, both clearly beyond proud of their son.

Next to them, all down the row, my family takes up residence.

My mom, Holden, Justin, with Daisy and Lily in matching PCU jerseys, both bouncing up and down, cheering on their favorite hockey player.

The Mercers. My family. Our family.

All of them crammed together, yelling and hugging. Exactly like it should be.

My chest squeezes.

A few months ago, I couldn’t picture this. Not this exact moment, obviously. I’m not psychic.

But this.

My life not feeling like a hundred separate pieces I had to keep from colliding.

Mom has one arm around Daisy while Mrs. Mercer hugs Lily. Holden catches me staring and gives me a small smile.

Mom looks over.

Our eyes meet.

She smiles too.

Things aren’t perfect.

Dad hasn’t magically become the person we needed him to be, but the support payments have come when they’re supposed to. Every single one since Mom finally stopped accepting excuses and went after him.

We don’t know how long that will last, but she’s enjoying the freedom of working less hours and being home more.

I’m still waiting to see a specialist to figure out what’s going on with my body, but there will always be unknowns. I refuse to believe that anyone has their entire future set in stone, and I’m learning that having unknowns shouldn’t make you scared of doing what will make you happy.

The same goes for school.

I haven’t officially withdrawn yet, but I’m going to. At least for now.

The thought used to make my stomach twist with guilt. Like I’ve wasted so much time, money, and effort.

Now it feels like letting out a breath I’ve been holding too long, to the point of pain.

College will still be there if I decide it’s what I want.

Maybe I’ll go back, maybe I won’t.

Right now, I want to live in the moment. To enjoy whatever life has to offer me, even if that means I don’t have my future perfectly mapped out.

Kai leaves for Seattle soon, and I’m going with him.

I’m not moving there permanently, not yet, but for now, I’ll be splitting my time between here and there, helping my mom when needed, but also being with Kai.