Page 211 of Lose You Twice

“Think we should anyway?” He tips my chin up gently. “We spent three years apart because we tried to carry everything ourselves. I don’t want to do that again. Lean on me. Let me take some of the weight. You don’t have to do this alone.”

I look at him then, nothing but patience and understanding written on his face. I take a small step closer, and he opens his arms without hesitation, pulling me into him.

That’s all it takes for the tears to win their freedom.

Kai kisses my hair, bringing a hand to the back of my head and holding me to his chest, the other gently running up and down my back.

“Talk to me, Freckles,” he whispers.

“I got my ultrasound results.”

He tenses beneath my cheek, but tries to play it off. “What did they say?”

“I haven’t even talked to the doctor yet, but you know me, I just had to google.” I sniff, rolling my eyes at how silly it sounds when I say it out loud, making me feel even crazier than before.

“There are things that could point to endometriosis. It was always one of the potential diagnoses based on my symptoms, but now it feels like a real possibility instead of just a guess.” Taking a calming breath, I continue. “It’s the dumbest thing. I wanted answers because I didn’t feel normal, but now I don’t want the answer they might give me. Not only that, but I literally feel insane because my mind always chooses the worst-case scenario and runs with it. I hate my brain sometimes.”

“I don’t hate any part of you. Not a single piece,” Kai says. “You’re strong, you’re resilient, you work hard, you care for everyone around you, you’re funny, smart, talented. I could go on and on, just naming everything I love about you, Wren.”

He pulls back slightly, tipping my chin up so that my eyes meet his. “You’re perfect, just the way you are, even if you don’t believe that right now. We’ll get through this together. These last few months, hell, the last few years really, have been rough for you. Coming back and taking on so much wasn’t in your plans, and no one can fault you for reaching a tipping point.”

My lips quiver because I know he means those words now, but will he when he knows the possible outcomes of what a diagnosis can cause?

“Do you know what endometriosis is?”

He shakes his head. “I’d be lying if I said I knew a lot about it.”

“It’s not just the irregular periods, the cramps, the pain.” I swallow hard. “Some cases can cause fertility issues.”

Kai’s brows furrow. “Okay.”

Does he not understand what this could mean for us? For him?

His dream of being a father someday could be taken from him before he even has a chance to follow it.

“It means that I potentially can’t have children of my own, Kai.”

He gently grips me by my shoulders, searching my eyes as if he’s missing something.

“I understand that, Wren. But what I don’t understand is why it has you so freaked out right now.”

“You don’t get it, Kai.” My eyes somehow find even more tears to shed. “You’ve always wanted to be a dad. Always. Sometimes, I thought you wanted that even more than hockey. You’ve dreamed of having your own family for forever, and I won’t be the person to take that option away from you.”

Kai stares at me, completely dumbfounded. For a moment, I think I’ve rendered him speechless, then his lips tip up ever so slightly.

“What about this is even remotely funny?” I snap.

He takes my face in his hands, pressing a kiss to my forehead before resting his own against mine. “I love you, Wren.”

“I know that, but⁠—”

Kai shakes his head slightly. “No, I don’t think you do. I love you. Yes, I have always pictured myself having a family of my own someday. I’ve dreamt of that, and of playing hockey for as long as I can, but do you know the one thing that has always been the center of those dreams? The one piece that I know I can’t live without having in any future life has for me?”

I lift my gaze to his, shaking my head.

“You. You are the one thing that has always been in any dream I’ve ever had.”

This time, it’s his eyes that get watery.