Page 192 of Lose You Twice

I nod.

I’m lying on a table trying not to pee on a medical professional while she takes mysterious pictures of an organ that may or may not be ruining my life.

Great feels a bit too generous.

Eventually, she lets me use the bathroom.

I have never loved a hallway sign more.

When I come back, the room feels colder. Or maybe I do. She explains the second part again calmly and tells me I can say stop at any time.

The next part is more invasive, less physically painful than I expect but emotionally stranger. Not because the tech is unkind. She isn’t. She is careful and calm and asks before she moves. It’s strange because there is no way to detach from the fact that this is my body on the screen, my pain translated into measurements, my future maybe hiding in grainy gray images I can’t understand.

I stare at the wall this time.

There’s a framed print of a beach above the counter. Pale sand, blue water, a sky too perfect to be real. I wonder who decided people getting pelvic ultrasounds needed a beach. I wonder if anyone has ever looked at it and felt relaxed.

The tech’s face changes once.

Only a little.

Maybe not at all.

Maybe I invent it because I am looking for something to fear.

My pulse climbs anyway.

“Is everything okay?” I ask before I can stop myself.

She gives me a gentle smile. “The radiologist will review the images and send the report to your doctor.”

What other answer did I expect?

When it’s over, she leaves me to get dressed. I sit up slowly, the paper wrinkled beneath me, my socks on the floor beside my shoes. I quickly get dressed and head back through the lobby out into the parking lot.

I have too much to do today to let myself spiral over waiting for more results, so I hop in my car and head to campus.

The annual hockey banquet is tonight, and we still have a lot to get done in preparation. We worked until nearly midnight last night, setting up tables and decorations, and today we have the finishing touches. Plus, I need to make sure all the awards are organized and ready to hand out, as well as making sure all the food will be set up on time and ready.

But first, coffee. Well, make it to campus, park, and then coffee.

To my surprise, when I reach the parking lot, Kai is standing next to his car, waiting, holding an iced coffee in one hand and a small paper bag in the other. He lifts them in greeting as I get out of my car, making my way toward him.

“Figured you might need these.” Handing me the goods.

I step into him, lifting onto my toes to press a kiss to his lips.

“Thank you.”

He grins. “You’re welcome. I have practice in twenty, then I’ll be over to see if there’s anything we can help with. How’d your appointment go?”

“It went about as good as you could expect. I won’t have results for a while," I take a sip of my vanilla latte and feel life slowly seeping back into my soul. “Everything for practice should be set, but Donnelly has loaned me out to the banquet team for the time being.”

“Figured as much,” he says, kissing me again quickly before grabbing his bag off the hood of his car and heading toward the rink. “See you soon, Freckles.”

I stand there for a moment, watching him head in the opposite direction that I’m about to go, and hoping this isn’t some sort of sign from the universe telling me that it’s only a matter of time before we go our separate ways.

Again.