Page 182 of Lose You Twice

Buckling and starting my car, I go to pull out of the parking lot, my car making a very questionable noise as I turn onto the road. I try calling Mom with no luck, so it seems that I’ll be begging to make up the exam tomorrow.

By the time I pull into the elementary school parking lot and head inside, Daisy is sitting in the office, and she definitely doesn’t look well.

I walk over to her, crouching down and brushing a curl from her face. She feels hot, even just by touch.

“I don’t feel good,” she says, her eyes watery like she’s trying her best not to cry.

“I know, girlfriend.” I pick up her backpack, sliding it over my shoulder before signing her out, picking her up, and heading back to my car.

We’re on the road for less than three minutes when my car sputters and dies, barely giving me time to pull to the side of the road.

I sit there for a moment, trying not to lose it completely, but it’s too much. It’s all just too much.

My eyes burn, Daisy starts crying in the backseat, and I join her. I twist the key, trying to restart the car, but it doesn’t do anything.

I grab my phone, dialing my mom again, getting more and more frustrated with every ring, tears continuing to pour down my face. When it goes to voicemail, I end the call before dialing Harlow. I could call Kai, but I know he has practice this afternoon, and he doesn’t need to skip again for me.

She answers on the second ring. “Wren? What’s up? Aren’t you in class?”

“I’m supposed to be,” I choke out. “But I’m currently sitting on the side of the road close to the twins’ school because the nurse called, and I had to come get Daisy because she’s sick. And then when we headed home, my car decided to die, and now we are literally just on the side of the road, and my mom won’t answer her phone.” I sob. “I don’t know what to do, and I don’t know who else to call.”

“I’m on my way right now, okay? I’m at Grayson’s apartment, so it’ll be about half an hour, but I’m coming.” I can hear rustling in the background and another voice mumbling.

“Do I need to bring anything for Daisy?”

I look at my sister in the rearview mirror, who has now seemingly softly cried herself to sleep. “I think she’ll be okay until we get home. She just fell asleep.”

“Okay, I’ll be there soon.”

We hang up, and I rest my head against the steering wheel.

How did I end up here?

Six months ago, I was living in London, enjoying the birds, learning all sorts of photography-related things before coming back to reality, where I’ve yet to choose a specific path. I just didn’t know my reality would look like this.

Somewhere in the last few months, I’ve found the happiest and saddest version of myself all tangled up in one. I’m tired. I’m stressed. I’m happy and blessed with amazing friends, a family, so much good.

So why do I feel like I’m asking for too much just by wanting to feel more appreciated?

My mom is doing what she thinks she needs to do to take care of my four siblings, but sometimes I feel like she forgot she has a fifth child. Me.

Being the oldest is hard, in more ways than one. You are your parents’ first round; they learn what to do, but they also learn what not to do. They make mistakes they don’t want to repeat; they find what works and what doesn’t—from bottles to discipline styles.

You are their first, but they are your first too. Your first memories, first people that you trust, first loves in your life. They can also be your first heartbreak.

Twenty-five minutes later, I see not one car pulling in behind me, but two, Grayon’s truck pulling in right behind Harlow.

Weston, Kai, and Grayson all pile out just as Harlow does.

I open my door carefully, trying my best not to wake Daisy. I step out right as Kai reaches me, immediately pulling me into his chest.

My eyes sting again as I wrap my arms around his waist, his hand brushing down the back of my head. “You could’ve called me.”

“I thought you had practice,” I say into his shirt.

“Doesn’t matter, still would’ve come to help you.” He pulls back slightly, dipping down to look at Daisy asleep in the backseat. “Harlow said she’s sick?”

I nod. “Yeah, she has a fever, and the school couldn’t get a hold of my mom.”