Page 140 of Pretty ’n Peak

He didn’t like where she was going with this. “It’s not sufficient to draw conclusions beyond those two samples. But with Teo… we spent days together the first weekend. We talked. God, he cried in my arms. He shared a lot of personal things with me.” Most of which he’d disclosed to Taja, since he trusted her confidentiality. “And I shared with him too. We’re close.”

“It sounds like you have a very intense relationship, both in your Dom/sub relationship and outside of kink. And you’ve been thinking a lot about him and feeling positive about yourself and your life. That’s amazing and exciting. But I want to reflect some things back to you. You’ve been talking about him like you’re expecting to have a long-term relationship, when your agreement is casual play and mentorship. It sounds like you’re pinning a lot of your happiness and confidence as a Dom on someone who you might not see again after the next scene.”

Austin’s jaw dropped. Was that… was that even possible? Mateo had been the one who’d invited him to spend the night. And the one who’d asked to see him again. Mateo had called him Daddy.

Mateo was the light and color. The man who was bringing him back to life. He couldn’t just walk away.

But that was exactly what might happen.

It felt like he needed Mateo a lot more than the other way around.

It was an unsettling realization.

“Weren’t you saying that I should give myself permission to be happy?” Austin pleaded. He knew he was throwing her words back at her, but… Fuck. The idea of Mateo losing interest hit him harder than he expected.

“Absolutely. Based on what you’ve told me, I think it would be healthy for you to keep seeing him and see where it goes. Maybe you’ll decide to date. Or enter a contract. Maybe you’re exactly right for each other and will build a strong, stable, and healthy relationship.”

That was a comforting thought. He could see that happening.

Or at least he thought he could.

Actually, what did he know at all?

But Taja wasn’t done. “I just wanted to bring that up because of another implicit assumption that you seem to be making: that changing your job and spending time with Mateo is going to ‘cure’ your depression.”

“I wasn’t…” he started to say. Except he was. That was exactly what he’d thought. “But isn’t that what situational depression means?”

Taja shifted her posture in a blur of green and brown. “It might mean that. It might mean that this is a good start and you need to keep working. Or that your depression is caused by something else entirely, and we spend the next few months tinkering with medications and digging deeper. But I just want you to consider: What if you and Mateo don’t continue? Or what if your new job doesn’t feel any better than your old one? Or what if you spend a year searching for a job without being hired? The job search can sometimes be long and exhausting.”

Austin didn’t want to hear it. Those were already his worst fears. “So do you think… should I have waited for a new job to resign?”

He thought she was shaking her head. “No. I think you considered the possibilities and made a well-thought-out decision. You have the savings to go without working for a considerable time, and as we’ve discussed, the demands of that job were negatively impacting your mental health.”

“So what are you saying?”

“I’m saying that your life is going in a lot of positive directions right now. You’ve been putting a lot of good strategies into practice. You’ve made an informed decision about your work, and you’ve found an amazing sub who you connect with. Those are all things to be proud of. Just don’t expect any of those to be a magic bullet. Keep experimenting. Keep observing. Keep collecting data. Maybe Mateo is the love of your life, but you’ll still struggle with depression. Maybe Mateo is your gateway back into kink, and you’ll get bored with each other in a few weeks. The point is, your work has to be about you.”

Austin flopped his head back.

They were all good points, but… Fuck.

“I take it I have homework this week?”

He could hear the sardonic grin in her words. “How did you guess?”

Austin walked out of the session feeling like he’d been run over by a steamroller. Twice.

It wasn’t that Taja was wrong. It was that she was right.

Somewhere over the last weekend, he’d forgotten that he and Mateo didn’t have any ties. He’d forgotten that they barely knew each other. It almost seemed like he’d forgotten about his depression.

Which was why he didn’t know what to do when Mateo texted that night.

His heart lifted as soon as his phone announced the name, but he had to caution himself not to get too excited. His whole world was topsy turvy.

Still he played the messages as soon as they came in.

Mateo: Hey.