Page 22 of Love Unlimited

What else was there?

He wasn’t at home, but Dustin’s house felt like home.

But what would it be like if Dustin or Landon interrupted their scene? Logically, he knew that everyone would be fine with it. Ash did this in public all the time, and it definitely wasn’t a secret. But there was something to that thought that made him tense a little more.

Even if it was public for Ash, he still felt a little… private about it, maybe. There was something different from blending in with the crowd at Escape and trying this out here.

Zhong pumped his uncertainty into his legs, enjoying the familiar burn of his body responding to his commands. He didn’t count reps and sets like he used to years ago. He just pushed until he felt the right amount of strain, did one more, and then took a short break. His body knew the rhythm of it so well that it left his mind free to roam.

He could imagine Ash scampering across the lawn, their playful joy shining in their eyes and their tail wagging with every pounce. He could practically feel their warm belly under his hand while he petted them as they looked up at him with their paws by their cheeks.

He knew they would be excited about all of the gear he’d bought for that first mosh but hadn’t yet pulled out to play with. He was pretty excited about it, too.

At the same time, he was nervous. That was the word for his stomach tightening in that strange way when he needed to work something out

He switched over to the next exercise, curling back with the padded bar against the back of his ankles instead of pressed against his shins. The exertion left his mind clear to think.

He watched the sunlight on Ash’s pale arms as they signed. He loved how they sat so comfortably, curled up in the little nook, and bounced on their knees when they were excited.

What could he possibly be afraid of?

Well, not doing it right, certainly. Even with all of his notes and research, he still didn’t want to mess it up. He wanted to be the absolute best Handler that he could and give Ash everything that they needed.

That was a small worry, though. He was pretty sure he could find a ball to play with, and Ash had so many ways of expressing their needs. That first time had been so easy.

He’d followed Ash’s lead, and everything after that had been magical. He’d felt so close to Ash, and at the same time rejoiced in seeing their delight in the freedom of exploration and friendship with the other pups.

It had been transformative for him. Strapping on Ash’s puppy paws over their hands, he’d understood for the first time what Ash’s submission meant, and just how precious it was that they trusted it to him.

He realized with a start what the problem was, dropping the weights with a crash that shook the machine.

Zhong was pretty sure that he could give Ash what they needed to enjoy a puppy scene. He was worried that he wouldn’t enjoy it. That it couldn’t possibly be as powerful as he remembered it. Finding out that it wasn’t everything he’d built it up to be would be a crushing disappointment.

And equally as important, he was kind of banking on this shared kink to keep them together. No matter what Ash said about the little things he did each day, this almost felt like proof that he could be a good partner.

Of course, even if it wasn’t the same transcendent experience as last time, he’d still be happy to do it. For Ash.

He sighed. Now that he’d identified the problem, he wasn’t quite sure what to do about it. Was it the end of the world if he wasn’t kinky after all? Clearly, he could do the age play thing just because Ash was so cute. It was more that… well, he really wanted it to be as good as he remembered.

And there was no way to tell without doing it.

It was much easier to set the weights to a new level and go back to working his arms, pressing the wide pads inward in a butterfly motion. The physical exertion felt good. It was grounding.

He knew he should just get over it. Rip off the band aid or whatever.

If he didn’t enjoy it as much as he hoped, at least he would know, right?

Ash turned to look at him suddenly, breaking him out of his thoughts. They gave him a happy smile, and he smiled back. Practically everything about Ash made him want to smile.

He needed to remember that. That Ash was the most important thing. Anything that he needed to do to make it work, he would.

In between exercises, he picked up his notebook and made a few notes. That felt better. With the main problem figured out, he could shift it to the back of his mind. Maybe he still wasn’t ready for puppy play today, but he could think it over and come back to it when new observations emerged.

That would be his plan, then. Ask about using the yard, buy some puppy stuff, and schedule it for sometime soon. He still wanted to observe at the next mosh, but figuring out if he really liked it could happen any time. He could always hope that he would.

Ash looked at him again, dark eyes shining, and gave him a little wave. He was feeling more settled now, not because the problem was gone, but because he’d identified it and recorded it.

He started paying attention to Ash’s conversation with their mother, which he’d been mostly ignoring so far. Earlier they’d been talking about some unknown person’s health, and then some management changes at Ash’s mother’s work, so he’d been watching Ash but tuning out the details.