Page 116 of All Tied Up

This morning had been perfect. He’d woken just a few minutes before his alarm and just watched the two of them sleeping. Jamie was flopped over on his back, limbs tangled like a starfish. Neil was turned toward him, curled on his side with one hand outstretched like he needed to touch Jamie even in his sleep.

Even with all of the tumult and confusion ahead, just seeing Neil there felt like a heavy weight lifted from Sebastian’s chest. His lungs could finally breathe again.

When it was getting entirely too late, Sebastian had slipped from under the covers and dressed in silence, eyes fixed on the slumbering duo.

The moment he walked out the door, though, all of his worries came tumbling back. Fear for the Meadowlark intermingled with worries about just how much he wanted Neil and just how wrong it would be to start a relationship now.

Sebastian's life was unpredictable. He might be out on the streets in a few weeks or months, and until then he’d be a nervous wreck.

Even beyond that, he’d only known Neil for a week. They hardly knew each other. It could be just infatuation on either side, which was especially likely for a new sub. How could he know that Neil liked him and not just the idea of having a Daddy?

From the other perspective, how could he possibly think he could be a good Daddy to a man who had decades of experience on him and needed to rescue him from his financial mistakes?

How could he be a good Daddy to anyone after discovering just how badly he’d let Jamie down with Henri?

That was really the crux of the matter. Sebastian had spent several miserable years trying to meet both Henri and Jamie’s needs and never felt like he was good enough. He’d missed all the signs of Henri manipulating him, though it was becoming increasingly clear now that Jamie had pointed it out.

Somehow, that left Sebastian feeling both like he’d failed Jamie by not protecting him, and convinced that he could never be enough of a Daddy for two boys.

That was, of course, if Neil was even interested in something like that.

The whole thing was just overwhelming.

“Talk to me,” Ty commanded.

Sebastian rolled his eyes. “Your Dom voice doesn’t work on me.”

Ty shrugged. “Sometimes it does. But I’m here to be a listening ear if you need it.”

“I just… would it be wrong to start a relationship with Neil?”

Ty’s brows furrowed, his green hair swooping over his forehead. “I think you already have. Why would it be wrong?”

“Because we’ve known each other for a week. Because Neil’s a kink newbie and doesn’t even know what he wants. Because I already tried a threesome and it was a disaster. Because I might be filing for bankruptcy in a few weeks. Pick one, because there are so many. I mean, it sounds crazy to even think about it right now.”

Ty leaned his head to the side. “Tell me how you and Jamie met again?”

Sebastian shot him another glare. “You’ve heard Jamie tell the story a million times. He came up to me in a club, asked me to dance, and told me I was going to be his Daddy.”

“And then…” Ty prompted.

“I told him he was a brat,” Sebastian laughed and Ty laughed with him.

“OK, and then what?”

“Then I took him home and… he became my boy.” Sebastian could see where Ty was going with this, and he wasn’t sure he was pleased with the implications.

“When did you know that he was meant to be yours?”

“The moment he asked me to dance,” Sebastian grumbled. “But listen, I fell hard and fast for Henri, too. And that was clearly the wrong choice.”

Ty shook his head. “Weren’t there any warning signs?” Ty had been around when everything with Henri imploded. He’d watched Jamie and Sebastian piece themselves back together

“There weren…” Sebastian cut himself off before he could finish the word. He’d answered automatically, but had there been warning signs? He’d admonished Henri from the beginning for some of the catty things he said to Jamie. They sounded like they were all in fun, but some of them hit a little too close to home. Their disparate financial resources had always been a bone of contention, too. Henri had always pushed to spend more, living an extravagant lifestyle that Sebastian felt a little repulsed by. It was really seeing Jamie so happy with Henri that had made him fall in love, but that hadn’t been a good gauge either.

Sebastian had his own set of warning signs, too. Even from the beginning he’d felt nervous about being a good enough Daddy for Henri. He’d felt like he was out of his league and couldn’t be enough. Early in the relationship, it had felt like a challenge that he wanted to meet, adapting and remaking himself to please his boy. Only later would he realize that nothing he could do would change him enough. It hadn’t occurred to him until just now that, as a Daddy, his desire to please his boy might leave him open to manipulation.

So there had been warning signs but he’d just ignored them.