Page 106 of All Tied Up

But it was tearing him apart not knowing how they were doing. It hurt that Sebastian hadn’t reached out for help after all the time they spent together with the budget.

And… quite simply, he missed them.

Neil’s thoughts swirled along with his footsteps, back and forth across his narrow living room. Kitchen, wall, windows, couch, repeat. The windows looked out on a city street. Two trees grew in their little squares of dirt.

Coming back to the office had really put things in perspective for Neil.

Sebastian and Jamie were having a rough time of it financially, but they had put their hearts and souls into something they loved. They’d followed a dream and built it up into the most beautiful place on earth, a haven for their guests and a warm home for the two of them.

What was Neil doing working sixty, sometimes eighty, hours a week only to come home to a sterile apartment and another evening alone? Jamie and Sebastian had both told him to quit his job since he didn’t enjoy it, and he’d been mulling it over the whole weekend.

He’d started law school because he couldn’t think of anything he’d rather do and it made good money. Now, though, he had things that meant something to him. Small business advising in general, and supporting the Meadowlark in particular.

He didn’t have to live his life behind a desk, pushing papers for companies he didn’t care about.

And he wanted a relationship.

No, not just a relationship. Getting just a taste of having a Daddy of his own seemed like it had ruined him for anything else. His job. His empty home. His dry, banal relationships of the past.

It was like a fairy story, where one bite of food in the elven realm condemned him to never enjoying the taste of human food again.

He’d imagined before that he might enjoy a Daddy-boy relationship, but now the desire sung through him.

It wasn’t just the Daddy aspects, though. He missed Sebastian. And he missed Jamie.

Jamie had been completely correct in one way: Neil knew he would never be happy dating only another sub or someone vanilla. But he was wrong in another, because Jamie was magnificent and playful and adorable, doubling all of Neil’s desires because he was just as necessary as Sebastian.

Neil wasn’t sure he could even envision a relationship with Sebastian without Jamie.

Not that he was trying to picture a relationship. That would be impossible.

The two of them had hinted at the possibility of more visits from time to time. As long as it was just sex and kink, which is what they’d promised from the beginning, it seemed like he’d be welcomed back.

But it was hard to push back the images of curling up into the cozy blankets with Jamie in the mornings after Sebastian gave them each a kiss on the forehead. Of working in the atrium with Jamie’s head resting on his lap. Of pouring over spreadsheets with Sebastian, debating the future plans for the lodge.

Each of those thoughts led naturally down a progression. Neil sucking Sebastian off under his desk. The glint in Jamie’s eyes as he cuffed Neil’s hands to the bed frame. Hot wax and floggers and a whole world of glorious pain and pleasure to lose himself in.

Neil threw himself onto the couch, his head bouncing on the back as he stared up at the ceiling.

He couldn’t even follow a coherent thought around those two. It was just a tangle of financial strategies and Jamie’s lace-covered body in the candlelight and Sebastian’s cold rejection and hot chocolate while Neil worked in the most beautiful place on the planet.

That’s what he kept coming back to. He knew it was presumptuous to expect that he would have any role in their lives, but just knowing that the Meadowlark was still there, that the two of them could follow their dreams, made him feel like his own world was a better place.

Neil hoped he could visit them again—as a friend, as a lover, but even as a guest. There was something so perfect about the past week that Neil needed to know that the lodge would be there for him to return to.

He’d felt freer there than he ever had in his life. Not cast loose and aimless, but securely tethered. Like the feeling of climbing that cliff with Sebastian and Jamie holding the ropes, so that no matter how far he climbed or where he explored, he’d always be safe.

He wanted them to have that safety, too.

So… drive out there? Call again? Try to forget them?

He realized that he was probably acting like some sort of crazy stalker, turning a few nights of fun into something more. There were just so many layers of it.

Calling was probably best. Maybe in the chaos of the situation, Ty hadn’t passed along his call.

This time Sebastian picked up on the first ring. His polished message was much the same as Ty’s, repeating that they were closed for new bookings for the immediate future and would issue a refund for all climbs.

Sebastian's voice sounded chipper and professional, but Neil could hear the strain behind it. Even so, those deep confident tones made Neil feel tingly inside. God, he just wanted to be there right now.