Page 79 of Love Lessons: Expanded Edition

Chapter 14

Dustin

Dustin walked Landon to his car, hating that it made the most sense for them to drive to the munch separately.

Something was wrong, really wrong, and it wasn’t just that Landon was pushing him away.

He thought he’d done the right thing by letting Landon get more sleep, but now he was regretting not waking him up earlier. He’d let Landon sleep in until ten, even though they’d discussed before that they were both early risers. He’d originally thought they’d go running together.

Landon had disappeared into the shower after that. And by the time he came out and got dressed they barely had time to make it to the munch.

Landon hadn’t even eaten the bagel and fruit he’d made for him. It was probably still sitting on his bedside table, cracks furrowing through the cream cheese as it dried out.

Dustin walked down the block to his car. He contemplated for a moment just going home. Or better yet, Zhong’s place. He could just call it a day. Give up. Cuddle with Zhong and forget about this whole Dom thing.

He felt like an imposter. Like if he were a real Dom, he would have done it better. Figured something out. Forced Landon to talk last night instead of doing another scene.

Everything he’d tried with Landon had felt like a gamble. He tried to look relaxed and in charge no matter what Landon flung at him, but there were always some points where he was freaking out, worrying that he was pressing too hard or doing something Landon would hate. Worrying that he would send him away.

It was kind of awful, not at all like he’d expected D/s to be. When they said that the sub was always the one with the power, they sure weren’t fucking around.

He was constantly recalibrating and second-guessing, trying to figure out what Landon was saying, what Landon actually wanted, and, somewhere in there, what he wanted too. Last night had been a lot, and he was still working through some of it in his head.

He wasn’t seriously going to go anywhere but the munch though. If Landon was there, that’s where he would be, too.

He drove mindlessly, letting the GPS tell him when to turn, even when it took him the stupid, shorter way with more traffic.

Last night had just felt so right. And this morning definitely wasn’t.

He pulled into the first open spot behind the restaurant, only then thinking that maybe he should have parked next to Landon’s car. Though, that was silly. After this Landon was going over to see his sister and he was going home. Their cars didn’t need to be adjacent.

He wandered into the now-familiar restaurant, slipping his ear plugs into his ears. Landon, of course, was already hovering over one end of the table, deep in verbal conversation.

But Ash was sitting somewhere in the middle, signing with a man that Dustin hadn’t met. He pulled out a chair for himself and tossed his sweatshirt over the chair beside him to claim it for Landon.

He felt a little uncertain doing it, but it wasn’t like he was claiming Landon. Just saving him the seat that he would have probably chosen anyway in the unofficial ASL section of the table.

He introduced himself to the new guy, who seemed nice enough. His name was Marco and he’d just moved to town, but clearly knew a lot more about BDSM than Dustin. He identified himself immediately as a Daddy, which of course Ash was all over.

Dustin knew that he should ask Marco some of his questions. Maybe like, is it always this intense? Or, is it weird that I want to have Landon with me every second of the day, and when he isn’t, I want to know where he is? Or, how do I know if I’m doing it right? And especially, what the fuck did I do wrong?

That last one was probably his job to figure out.

Dustin didn’t feel comfortable enough to ask for advice, though. At least not in front of Ash and with Landon flitting around the room and sometimes coming back to sit beside him.

Instead, he just watched Ash flirt with Marco, hoping that Ash might ask some question that would open up the conversation into something he wanted to know. There weren’t a lot of questions, though.

He learned that Ash was into age play, but, like, the baby age that wouldn’t have fit Landon. And they were into puppy play which was… another thing that he’d need to look up at home. After that, though, Ash stopped playing the comparing kinks game, and the conversation drifted on.

He didn’t learn as much about Marco, except that he wasn’t into age play and that, while he was mostly amused by Ash's flirtation, he was also not at all interested. His eyes looked sad. Maybe he had a sub who he couldn’t figure out, too.

Dustin wasn’t sure if he was hurt or comforted that Ash flirted with everyone, since that’s what Landon seemed to be doing.

It was… unnerving. Worse than the last munch. Because nothing had changed, and everything had changed.

Last night, Lena had been his rebellious teen sweetheart who covered him with pink lipstick kisses. Landon had given him the power over his very senses. And Dustin had fallen asleep with the scent of Landon’s skin in every breath.

And now Landon was flirting with someone else, some tiny, elegant woman with perfect posture who no doubt knew more about whips or rope or something than Dustin could ever hope to learn.