Page 44 of Love Lessons: Expanded Edition

She bit down her frustration. Mostly. So I just sit here?

He kissed her forehead which was… frighteningly sweet. You sit there and try to relax. You can try some other positions, too. The only requirement is that you stay close to me.

Lena revised her earlier assessment. Maybe his thing wasn’t TPE. Maybe it was a psychological kink. Getting inside her mind.

It seemed like he’d figured her out so quickly. Perhaps he’d actually been looking for somewhere that he could push her, somewhere that he could leave his mark. Since he wasn’t comfortable using the crop, for whatever reason, maybe this was like a substitute for that.

She wasn’t sure she wanted to be analyzed and opened up. There wasn’t much back there except the neediness she was trying to repress.

That made her feel even more rebellious. Maybe she ought to push back. Just to see what would happen. She shifted over until she was next to Dustin instead of sitting on top of him. Even though she sort of missed it. But they were technically still touching. She even crossed her arms across her chest.

It was stupid, she knew, because she did want to be close to him. She just wasn’t sure she understood anything, and he seemed so confident. Maybe if she pushed a little bit he could help her get back on track.

When he saw her, he just gave her an indulgent smile. Without a word, he just wrapped an arm around her shoulders and drew her head down against his chest. After a moment, he stretched out one of his legs and then pulled her knee over his. Then he pressed another kiss to her forehead and went back to watching the movie, a tender look on his face.

OK, maybe not a psychological thing, then? Was it a boyfriend thing? Lena’s mind was racing faster than the exploding cars on the screen. Was this actually just cuddling and she’d been reading into it? Cuddling was what people did in relationships. It wasn’t like she’d never cuddled before.

Obviously, she cuddled with her nieces and nephews when she read them stories. They climbed all over her like a jungle gym. And in college she’d piled up with other teenagers on someone’s bed or couch while they watched movies, feeling illicit and cool for being part of a group that could be so casually affectionate like that, even when she felt a little uncomfortable with her own body.

She’d even awkwardly snuggled with a few dates, back when she was still pathetically trying to do the relationship thing. But it always felt like a prelude to making out, or a cheap substitute for the sex that they couldn’t have if they were meeting up somewhere public like a bar.

Was this about getting to know each other? Was that what this was about? Except that friends didn’t cuddle like this, or at least not in adulthood.

Which led her to the real question of why the fuck this was bothering her so much. She didn’t feel like it should be a soft limit. She hadn’t even thought about it with that language until Dustin had asked.

It just wasn’t something she usually did because there wasn’t any point.

She was confident and independent and happy with her life. Though, the inner voice that sounded vaguely like her old therapist pointed out, it was interesting that she had to remind herself of that.

And now she was feeling nervous and over-analyzing everything.

Dustin started gently, almost mindlessly, stroking her arm. It felt nice, but not really sexual. Relax, he fingerspelled without taking his eyes off the screen.

She tried to make herself relax. But her neck was a little bit sore from the angle, pushed forward by Dustin’s arm. And it didn’t feel good to be half slumped over like that. She thought that maybe, if they were going to do this anyway, that she might like to lay down more on the couch. Maybe, she thought hopefully, he would play with her hair. But with Dustin sitting in the middle of it there wasn’t space.

She shifted her legs onto the cushion beside her and maybe nudged him a little bit.

Stand up for a second, he told her.

Curious, she did. His eyes roamed over her exposed skin. Maybe she had been right to pull on the skimpy clothes, to tease him with her nipples beneath the translucent fabric.

Dustin laid down along the length of the couch with his head on one of the throw pillows. When he was settled, he opened his arms with a gentle smile and pulled Lena down on top of him.

There was a moment of getting all of their arms and legs settled, and then she was just lying there, pressed against his body but not really doing anything. Well, snuggling, she supposed.

His lean body felt delicious under hers, strong and protective, still so clearly in control even though she was on top.

She rocked against him tentatively. He was definitely still hard. So was she. Maybe if she wiggled some more...

He put both hands on her hips, stilling her. His fingers slid just under the gauzy fabric, tingling and making her wish he’d just move his hand another inch lower, inward. Anywhere at all. Or take her hips and rock her against him, forcing her to rub off like he had the last time.

None of that happened either. When she didn’t move, he finally relaxed his grip, just leaving his hands sitting there on her ass with her barely-there panties like he didn’t even notice.

So he really wasn’t going to make it sexual. They were just watching this damned movie. His hands moved and he tapped her shoulder. She looked up.

You’re thinking too hard. We’re snuggling and watching a movie. That’s all there is to it.

Sure it was.