Page 33 of Dear Daddy, Please Want Me

“Go ahead. Tell me.” This was nerve racking.

“I just… well, you saw my profile, right? And so…”

“Mmm-hmmm…” Saul had a sense of where this was going.

After that stumbling beginning, the words all came out in a rush. “Do-you-want-to-be-my-Daddy?”

Saul would have laughed if Levi didn’t look so sincere. It was such an adorable question, but with such meaning behind it. Like he really thought there was a chance Saul wouldn’t want him.

Saul didn’t want to let him down, but he had to be honest, too. “I’m not sure that I know how to be a Daddy.” The hints Levi had given him when he was talking about those profiles earlier weren’t enough.

But maybe what he really meant was I’m not sure that I know how to be a man. And that seemed to be a big part of being a Daddy.

Levi looked dejected. “Oh.”

Saul hated seeing that look on his face. He hadn’t meant to have his own insecurities get in the way. “No, I just meant, what does a Daddy do?”

The light came back to Levi’s eyes and it was breathtaking. “Ohhhhh! Um, well, my Daddy would give me treats for being good. Or when I was cute. And give me spankings for being naughty. And he would have to like it when I have too much energy and want to sing Hanukkah songs all day, or at least be nice to me. And”–some remembered hurt flashed across his face–“not get upset if I talk with other people.”

Saul had been expecting the first few comments, more or less. But the last one looked like it came from a place of real rejection.

“Did one of your exes tell you that you couldn’t talk to other people?”

“I mean, not quite. He just said that I flirted with everyone. He was OK with me hanging out with women most of the time, since at least he believed me that I was gay. But he wasn’t the only one. I’ve been on dates before and run into a friend, then had the date tell me I was cheating on him or something.”

“Because he thought you were flirting?”

“Yeah. I mean, sometimes I do flirt with everyone. But it’s just fun. Not like with you. That’s totally different.”

Saul pondered that. “I think I saw something different today. But it was, well, very subtle.”

“Yeah, well, I wasn’t really trying to flirt with you.”

“Boy, if that wasn’t flirting, I don’t know what it was.”

Levi hmphed. “I mean, yes, I was flirting.” He ran his fingers along the hem of Saul’s t-shirt. “But really I was just, well, I wanted to pretend that you were my Daddy for the day. You know, while we were still getting work done. I was trying not to be greedy,” he huffed.

That was so sweet it was almost heartbreaking.

“I think that your issue isn’t flirting. It sounds like it’s about trust. You want a Daddy who will let you flirt with other people, but know that you don’t mean it. Right?”

Levi nodded. “That’s right. Is that OK?”

“I would never want to dim your enthusiasm. It’s clear to see that you love people. Anyone who’s jealous of that probably has a lot of their own issues that they need to work on.”

Not that Saul didn’t have mountains of issues. They just weren’t those issues. Levi was beautiful when he shone.

“Thank you. I don’t think I’ve ever had someone understand that.” Levi was still worrying at Saul’s shirt, though.

“Is that all? I don’t understand why anyone wouldn’t want you.”

Levi laughed, but it sounded forced. “Oh, there are a million reasons. Too pushy. Too tall. Too playful when I’m supposed to be serious. Too confident when I’m supposed to be submissive. Too selfish and greedy. You’ll see.”

“Wait, someone said all that to you?”

“Not someone. Everyone. Like, the whole league of Daddies. I’m not really boy material.” He announced it like it was a done deal.

“I don’t understand. I don’t think you’re pushy. Or greedy.” Saul stroked the lines around Levi’s mouth, exploring the texture of his bristly-soft hair. He couldn’t stand seeing that frown.