Page 186 of In at the Deep End

Fancy some company?

That sounded needy. Deleted.

Eventually he sent the safest message he could think of.

How’s your morning?

Owen replied almost immediately.

Good. Getting a few things sorted around the house. You?

Matt stared at the words. There was nothing wrong with them. Nothing at all.

He typed that he’d been working on the dissertation and Owen replied with Nearly there. A thumbs up followed it.

Matt smiled. He waited for the next message.

Five minutes passed.

Then ten.

No come over. No fancy a coffee.

No casual suggestion that Matt might as well take a break and come and see him.

He put the phone down. He told himself Owen was busy. That was reasonable. Owen had a house to finish organising and a housewarming coming up. He was allowed to have a life that didn’t revolve around Matt.

Except Owen had never seemed interested in keeping those lives separate before.

That afternoon, Matt went into town instead.

He wandered through the shops without buying anything, stopped for coffee, and eventually found himself sitting on a bench overlooking the river with his phone beside him. He kept checking it.

Nothing.

The annoying part was that he wasn’t even angry.

He missed Owen, that was all. He missed the ease of being with him. The way a few hours together had once seemed to happen without either of them having to arrange them. He missed being wanted without having to ask.

Perhaps that was what was beginning to bother him most.

He’d spent the whole summer telling himself not to expect anything from Owen. He’d known the arrangement. He’d accepted it. He’d even convinced himself he was good at accepting it.

Then the island had happened.

Matt had allowed himself to believe that perhaps something had changed. That perhaps this wasn’t going to end just because the summer did.

Now he wasn’t so sure.

He leaned back against the bench and closed his eyes.

Maybe I misunderstood.

The thought settled heavily inside him.

Maybe the island had changed everything for Matt because Matt had already been in love with him, while for Owen it had been another beautiful weekend they would remember.

The pain of that possibility surprised him.