Page 218 of Ex Somnis

“No one will ever rest in their sleep again. Not one of them. I will be in every dream any of you ever have. I will walk them to the edges of high places and let go. I will put them back in the worst nights of their lives and lock the door. I will sit with them while they break. Over. And over. And over.” His eyes are wet and completely mad. “I will make their nights hell so their days turn into nightmares. You wanted to take everyone’s pain onto yourself, Lenny? Fine. I’ll give it back to each of them, personally, forever.”

Behind me, the door creaks open again. Nevan-Tessa has made it back into elsewhere, but before I can see if he’s all right, Lucien grabs my chin and yanks my face back to his.

“You don’t know what fear is, Lennon Maes.” His thumb digs into my jaw. “Do you understand that? You’ve only ever been afraid for people. For your mother. For your friend. For these men. You have never once, in your whole martyred little life, been afraid for yourself.” He leans in closer, his lips brushing my ear. “I’m going to fix that. I’m going to take them away from you one nightmare at a time, until there’s no one left to be afraid for. Until it’s just you. Alone. And then, you’ll learn it.”

And he lets go, not just of me but all of us. The log lifts off Ridge. Paul gasps and folds as the paralysis breaks. Tessa stands on trembling legs.

We need to get the fuck out of here.

“How about we start the nightmare now?” Lucien asks, tilting his head.

I’m about to yell at them to leave, but Ridge surges up onto his feet, and Lucien shoves me hard, right into Ridge, and we go down in a tangle with an oof that would be funny in any other life, in any other dimension, on any other night.

Before I even catch my next breath, I’m already past it, thinking ahead, the same way my mind narrows when I think the kitchen is on fire.

Get up, get them up, get out, wake up, regroup, make a new plan before anyone has to close their eyes again.

“Stop.” A voice cuts clean through the noise in my head.

Tessa.

She steps forward into the circle of light. Past me, past Ridge, out into the open space between Lucien and the rest of us, her chin held high. “I choose you. If you still want me.”

What?

No. I did not crawl through all of this. I didn’t drive across a country, walk into the dark, prepare to sacrifice myself three times already, only for her to end up right back where she was.

But then she looks at me, and it’s so full of love that my breath catches. It’s a look like a palm laid against my cheek. Like a goodbye that made its peace long ago.

It’s all right, the look says. Let me.

The hell I will.

The rage drains out of Lucien’s face all at once, and something else floods in to replace it, stunned and almost young, as he stares at her like the floor opened up. “Of course, I still want you,” he whispers, almost reverent.

“No!” I scramble up off Ridge, clawing at the floor, at the cold, at anything. “No, Tessa.”

Arms band around me from behind and haul me back against a chest.

“Shh.” Ridge shushes against my ear, holding me with everything he’s got. “Shh, Blondie. Don’t.”

“Let me go!” I fight him, claw at his arms to get to her in time, even bite into his forearm, but Ridge doesn’t let go. I throw my weight, try to get my feet under me, anything to reach her before she can do what she’s about to do. “Ridge, that’s my… let me go. I have to…”

He doesn’t let go.

He holds me, and over his arm, I watch my best friend lift her hand toward the monster of her story.

Lucien looks at her like she’s the only real thing in any world there has ever been.

“It’s you,” he breathes out.

“It’s me,” she agrees softly.

He reaches out and takes her hand, and the smile that breaks across his face is one I have never seen on him. Tessa is smiling, too, like this is the easiest thing she’s ever done, and I’m screaming her name until my throat tears.

They shake, and I feel it, even from here. Even held back and screaming, I feel it go through the whole room. The lock. The final click of something sealing all the way down. The exact thing I braced for with my hand a minute ago and never got.

Tessa doesn’t love him. Tessa loves Derek. She loves the life she hasn’t gotten to live yet. This can’t be happening.