Page 142 of Ex Somnis

Her fingers twitch at her sides as if she wants to reach for it again, but Jasper keeps an arm around her, keeping her in place.

“I thought it was gone. I looked everywhere. The garden, the inn, the woods.” Her gaze wanders around the living room. “Mabel helped me search. We searched for weeks.”

“Mom,” Jasper says quietly.

“When I realized it was really gone…” She swallows. “I thought maybe that was the point.”

“What point?” I ask.

Seraphine’s eyes meet mine. “The point where I stopped being able to find the right words. The point where names started slipping away from me.” She presses her hand to her chest. “I thought losing the stone was another sign that I was supposed to let go.”

Something in Jasper’s face crumples.

“Tell me about it,” I say gently, taking a step toward them. “Why is it important?”

She smiles at the crystal like she’s looking at an old friend. “It helps you dream. Moonstones belong to elsewhere, at least they used to. Long ago.” She takes a slow breath. “They’re anchors.”

My hand rises instinctively to the stone. “Anchors? To what?”

“To your subconscious and to yourself. It gives you stability and helps you lock yourself in your dreams. But I lost it. I lost it, and with it, my stability. My mind was already going, and then I lost it, too, and I…” She trails off, staring down at her hands.

“My mind was the thing that made it, that let me go where I needed to go, that let me see clearly, that let me know. And it started slipping through my fingers. This sickness, this fog that was stealing everything. My clarity, my focus. I couldn’t hold the dreams long enough to go deep enough, and then the crystal was gone, and the last bit of anchor with it.”

She looks up at me, her blue eyes bright. “But everything I needed was in the dreams. Everything I wanted to keep.” She shrugs Jasper off and reaches toward me. “You understand that? Don’t you? You know what is on the other side.”

“Yes,” I say slowly. “I understand that.”

Even if I hate that I do.

Jasper’s hand closes on her shoulder from behind. “Mom, what are you…”

She shrugs him off again. “I wanted to stay. I always wanted to stay in the dreams. But I had the boys, and so I always came back. Until I couldn’t anymore. Until coming back felt like stepping into someone else’s life. And in the dreams, I was myself, even when waking life couldn’t hold me right. So when my anchor was gone, I couldn’t stay. And because I couldn’t stay, I had to pay.”

“Pay?” Jasper rears back, looking offended. “What are you talking about? Is being here with us torture for you?”

I carefully step close to Jasper and take his hand, squeezing it gently.

No wonder Nevan is the way he is. Hearing something like that from your mother is hard.

“My payment isn’t in waking life,” Seraphine mutters. “I wanted to be locked in dreams. Now I’m locked in the dreamer.”

“What dreamer?”

God, I always only understand maybe half of what she’s saying.

Her eyes go fuzzy at the edges.

Shit.

“He has the most beautiful dreams. I try to teach him, I try to teach him everything I know, love, and protect him from the wandering souls that come through.” Her expression tightens when she turns to look at Jasper. “He thinks he’s not enough, but it’s me. My mind. I love them both, but I can only protect one at a time, because I’m locked in the one that needs me more.”

Jasper has gone very still, the color draining from his face.

“Are you talking about your sons?”

“Crystals are more than stones, if you know how to use them.” Seraphine looks longingly at the moonstone again. “They can be charged. Worked. Given intention so strong it becomes instruction. They can hold power over sleep, the mind, and where you go when you close your eyes. I got myself stuck. I wanted to leave this waking life, this sickness, and rest somewhere I could still be myself, but I got myself stuck.”

“Okay.” I keep my tone as gentle as possible. “How do we get you unstuck? What can we do?”