Page 140 of Ex Somnis

Derek listens intently, asking questions as I go. I watch him put things together in real time as he rearranges a decade of grief.

When I have nothing left to share, Nora leads us upstairs to my best friend.

Tessa is still lying in her bed, her nails still ballet pink.

I need to change them to French tips before she wakes up, or she will be mad.

“Hey, girl,” I say, standing at the foot of the bed. “I made it out. And you’re going to too. I promise.” I glance at Derek, who hovers beside me with wide eyes. “And I brought you someone.”

Derek stares at her, a little pale around the nose, and I’m wondering if I should grab him a chair when he sinks to his knees beside her.

“I’m here, angel,” he rasps, taking her hand. “I’m sorry that I made you leave, but I never left.”

He raises her hand to his mouth and presses his lips to the back of her hand.

Her hand twitches.

It’s not much, but enough that I see it, as does Nora. Derek feels it. I know he does, because he goes completely still, looking at her face like the next thing that happens will be the most important thing that has ever happened to him.

For one ridiculous second, I think she’s going to gasp dramatically and sit up. Like this is a movie, and miracles happen on schedule.

Then reality remembers itself, and nothing happens.

We let out a collective exhale.

“Can I…” He clears his throat and looks at Nora. “Can I stay a little longer? Please? I never manage to stay lucid long enough to reach her in dream space, but Ridge said the better you know someone’s face… I want to look at her a little longer.”

Nora puts her hand on his shoulder. “Stay as long as you want. You’re welcome here, Derek.”

I look at the two of them there, thinking about twelve years and what time can cost a person.

“Seraphine’s tea might help,” I say when I finally manage to swallow the lump in my throat. “With the staying lucid and the dream sharing. I don’t have any left, but it made a real difference when I was using it. I can walk to the inn and ask if she’d be willing to give us some more? It might be worth a try?”

“I’m willing to try anything.” Derek reaches into his pocket and holds out his car keys to me, but I shake my head.

“Paul and Ridge would individually and collectively murder me for driving, and you for allowing it.” I pull my jacket tighter. “It’s not far. I’ll walk.”

Derek starts to stand. “Are you sure? I can⁠—”

I press a hand to his shoulder. “Stay. You’re where you’re needed.”

He kneels back down and stares longingly at my best friend. “That I am.”

Nora hugs me again at the front door, and then I’m outside with the cold hitting my cheeks, and it feels so good.

I look down at my fingers.

Normal, no breadsticks.

Concrete underfoot.

The smell of cold air and something that might be pine from the tree line, my breath making small clouds before disappearing.

For the first time in eight days, the world is real.

The cold air stings the tips of my ears, and I let it.

I’ve earned that.