Page 135 of Ex Somnis

My heart has slowed.

Lennon is sitting on the edge of the mattress, wearing only the sleep shirt Nora had dressed her in. And when she gives me a soft, embarrassed smile, my existence narrows down to only her.

To a problem she has, and the fact that she has chosen me to fix it.

“Hey, I hope this is okay. I don’t really love undressing in front of strangers, which is dumb considering she had to get out that catheter. But…”

I cross to the bathroom, grab a large towel from the rail, and am back at her side in an instant.

“I don’t know if that’s necessary,” she says, continuing her rambling. “I mean, you’re going to see me naked anyway.”

“No,” I say. “Not before you want me to.”

Her gaze softens, full of trust, and she reaches for her shirt’s hem. I help her ease it up over her head, then tuck the towel securely around her before helping her to her feet.

She sways a little, but I’m ready, my arm already around her to keep her steady.

“Thanks.”

“I’ll always have you,” I say quietly.

“I know.” Lennon looks up at me with that same soft smile. “I trust you, Paul.”

My heart flutters, pleasure zipping through me at the trust she’s given me. The control, too, as I guide her into the bathroom.

“I actually feel good,” she tells me, sounding almost surprised. “Which is funny. Like, too good. Only a little wobbly, but I feel like I had a really, really good nap. The nurse said that’s probably your doing.” She scrunches her nose a little. “She said you argued with the doctor on my behalf.”

“Only where it mattered.” I keep one arm around her as I lean into the shower and turn on the water.

“What mattered?”

“Vitamin D, your hormone treatment, and a few deficiencies they hadn’t ruled out. Especially iron. I did some reading and apparently iron deficiency makes the fatigue worse. I wanted to rule out anything that was making this harder on you than it already is.”

She goes quiet for a second, and when she speaks again, her voice is smaller. “You did?”

I draw her into my arms as the room fills with steam. “Mm-hmm.”

She presses her forehead into my sternum. “Nobody ever… not anyone.”

She laughs softly, but it wobbles around the edges.

I kiss the top of her head before I guide her into the stall. “You have no idea how important you and your well-being are to me, Lennon.”

Ridge’s shower is large, with a built-in bench that I guide her to, keeping her out of the spray for now.

“I’ll be right back.”

She watches me with tired blue eyes while I strip down to my boxers. There’s no point in soaking an entire set of clothes. I fold my shirt, then my sweatpants, placing them neatly on the counter, then step back into the shower in front of her again.

“Can I?” I hold out a hand for the towel.

She nods, and I take it.

For a brief second, I forget how breathing works. She is the most beautiful thing I have ever stood in front of.

I’ve spent an embarrassing portion of my adult life under the impression that I’d made peace with beauty, and I could appreciate it from an appropriate distance and move on. This turns out to have been a remarkably arrogant assumption.

But it’s not only her physical beauty. It’s who she is.