Page 20 of Choosing Scarlet

Rage surges through me with a force I haven’t felt in years, although I manage to keep my expression controlled. This dinner is significant to my work, and I understand that, but the realization still comes quickly that nothing on this agenda matters more than Scarlet and the pain she walked out with.

“If you will excuse me,” I say quietly before stepping away from my seat to follow her.

I take only a few steps before Lena rises as well and catches my arm with her hand.

“Knox …”

“Don’t try to come back into my life like this,” I tell her firmly, not caring who will hear us. “There’s no room for you in it anymore. I don’t care what you’re trying to do; we’ve been done for a long time now. That’s never going to change.”

With that, I pull my arm free and move toward the exit. Scarlet is already close to the door. We reach it at nearly the same time, and once we step into the cool night air, I finally manage to catch her wrist.

“Scarlet, wait⁠—”

“For what?” she snaps as she spins around, her eyes filled with tears that she has stopped trying to hide. “Tell me, Knox. What exactly am I waiting for?”

“I wanted to apologize for⁠—”

Her hand rises sharply, cutting off the rest of my words as if she can’t bear to hear a single one of them. “There’s no need. You’re simply a client, are you not?”

The words strike me hard. For the first time in a very long while, it feels as though the ground beneath my feet is slipping away. I can’t understand how I failed to see any of this sooner. We haven’t known each other for long, and there are countless things stacked against us, but I still had something with her. At the very least, I believed I did.

“I don’t understand why you even booked me today,” she goes on when I remain silent. “You invited me for the weekend, and I know you felt what I felt. There was something there. Don’t try to tell me you did not feel it too, because I saw it in the way you looked at me. Then suddenly everything changes, and it feels like we are finished. That’s fine. These things happen. I even expected you to disappear from my life. Then you book me again, and you stand there while your ex-girlfriend insults me.” More tears slip down her cheeks, and the pressure in my chest tightens until it hurts. I can barely stand to see her like this. “Again, it’s fine, because you don’t owe me anything. So tell me, why are you here now? What do you want from me? It’s clear that I’m not the right fit for you, so explain what you are doing here.”

I open my mouth to speak. My entire career has been built on my ability to argue, defend, push back, and hold my ground in any boardroom. I know how to dismantle an opposing stance with a few words and a firm look, yet standing in front of her feels entirely different. I can’t form a single coherent defense.

“I thought so,” she says with a shaky sob, pressing her finger firmly against my chest. “Do you know what you are, Knox? You’re a coward. You refuse to let yourself try something new, something that might actually be good for you, because you’re terrified.”

“It’s not like I want to be in this position,” I finally say, and it feels as if something inside me pulls apart. “I want to take what I want. I want to enjoy so many things in my life, but I can’t. Do you know why? Because I built my life around certain rules and values that came into my family long before me. And I don’t expect you to understand what it feels like when the light is always on you … when you can’t keep even one small thing to yourself. One wrong step is enough to make everything fall apart around me, and it’s the last thing I want. For you and for me.”

A few people walk out of the restaurant behind us, and their curious eyes land on us, but we both ignore them. They don’t matter to me right now. All I can focus on is her. Scarlet’s eyes look shiny, and her vintage glasses frame them in a way that only makes the sadness harder to take. I can almost taste the disappointment between us. I used to think nothing could compare to the hollow ache I felt when Lena and I broke up, but now I realize I was wrong. This hurts even more.

“I’m done,” she says softly. “I’m done with this. I’m done making myself smaller for men who will not choose me or stand up for me. I’m just done.”

She turns quickly and lifts her hand to call a taxi. Before I can even take a step toward her or ask her to stay, one pulls over. She gets inside without looking back. The timing almost feels like some cruel joke aimed at me.

The door closes, and she disappears from view. My heart sinks, because I know what I’m losing: something that cannot be replaced.

SCARLET

The past few days feel like a hazy blur. I’ve barely stepped outside, choosing instead to stay curled up in the quiet of my apartment. I cancelled the rest of my bookings for the next week, which is unusual for me. I knew it would only be a matter of time before I got a call from the familiar number that usually appears on my phone for occasions like these.

“Is everything all right?” my coordinator asks gently. If there’s one thing about The Network, it’s that they truly care about both their clients and their workers. The moment I sent in my request to cancel my bookings, the phone rang because they wanted to check in on me. “I just wanted to call and see if something has happened that we can help with.”

“All is fine, Tasha,” I tell her, even though the words feel heavy. Tasha is kind, and she always tries to make things easy for me, but I can’t bring myself to talk about any of this. There’s still one thing I need to take care of before I hang up and sink back into the safety of my apartment for the rest of the week. “There’s just one thing I need done. I’d like to remove my availability to Mr. Fisher.”

There’s a brief pause, followed by Tasha’s voice. “All right. You know that won’t be a problem, but may I ask why? If he’s done anything to make you uncomfortable, you only need to tell me. We take this very seriously.”

The back of my eyes begins to sting. What could I possibly say to her? That I let myself fall for someone I knew I should never get close to? That I broke a rule we have been warned about again and again? This mess is mine to carry, and mine alone.

“No. Of course not. He’s been nothing but a gentleman. This is entirely my decision, Tasha, so please, I don’t want to cause him any trouble. He doesn’t deserve that,” I manage to say, swallowing the knot rising in my throat. I can feel more tears pushing forward, and I barely keep them from falling.

“In that case, I’ll put it into the system, and if you change your mind at any point, you can let me know.” Her voice is gentle, almost understanding, and I’m sure she already knows exactly what’s going on. It’s not the first time something like this has happened, and it definitely won’t be the last. Still, I never imagined I’d be the one dealing with it.

“Thank you,” I manage to whisper, my voice barely strong enough to form the words. The call ends, and just like that, the conversation is over. I sink onto the couch, with my stomach twisted into tight, painful knots. I turn on another pointless show—something loud, and bright that should distract me—but nothing works. My chest aches to the point where it’s hard to breathe, as if my heart has splintered into a thousand tiny pieces that I’ll never be able to gather again.

I tell myself I’m going to drown my feelings in a pint of ice cream, but before I can even get up, the doorbell rings. I frown, confused. I’m not expecting anyone today, and I definitely didn’t order anything, surprisingly so.

A small, foolish part of me dares to hope. Maybe it’s him. Maybe he came here to fight for us and to show me that what we have actually matters.