Page 85 of Heart Of A Goon II

We both nearly fell out laughing because Navy was so damn silly. She and Landon were the perfect match because at times he could be serious, and she brought out his silly side. She reminded him to live, and it wasn’t always about work and our family business.

“I’m serious, though. You should start vlogging.”

“Navy, I don’t need a bigger social media footprint than I already have.”

My page was boring. I mainly scrolled when I had downtime and even then, I was looking at fashion pages. If someone wanted to get some dirt on me, they wouldn’t find a damn thing. Aside from vague vacation pictures that I always posted months late, there wasn’t anything on there. I used to use it to track Sigel’s dumb ass. That’s how I should have known he wasn’t the real deal. The man posted almost everything on his stories. If he was fucking around with a bitch, I would always find out in his stories. I never confronted him about it because I felt stupid that I cared enough to snoop in the first place.

“Not like that… for yourself.”

I raised my brow at her. “You want me to set my camera up and record myself talking to myself.”

“Yes. I have a whole folder of videos that will never see the light of day. They’re videos of me doing the dishes and just calling myself out on the bullshit that I do.”

“So, verbally abuse myself.”

She snorted. “I’m also kind to myself, too. Some videos are of me extending grace to myself, giving myself permission to cry. We’re so hard on ourselves as women that we don’t ever praise ourselves out loud. We need those reminders. You can delete them when you’re done… I did with my first few videos and I regret it now.”

“Why do you regret it, and do you ever just watch them back?”

“All the time. How else can I grow as a person? It has gotten to a point that I watch them with wine, popcorn and a notebook. If you cannot be the first person to check yourself, then what are you really doing, babe?”

“That is very true. Do you ever feel shame when you watch them back?” I questioned.

She clapped her hands excitedly. “And this is why we need to bring shame back. Too many airheads walk around not feeling it, so they speak out their asses often. It’s like looking into a magical mirror of yourself, Zoya. A different you at a different place and time. It’s like watching a recap of every season of your life. My favorite video is the one I made the night I met Landon. Right before that video, there’s one of me crashing out because my ex-boyfriend chose someone over me again.”

“Niggas,” I muttered.

If I had a quarter for the number of times a nigga put someone before me, I would be as rich as I was now. It wasn’t something that I was proud of, and something that I tried to pretend never happened.

I watched as she stared out to the water with the biggest smile on her face. “The night I met Landon; me and my boyfriend broke up. When I watch it back, I’m talking and then start smiling about a man that I didn’t even know for real. It’s less about Landon and more about the smile… it wasn’t forced that night. I didn’t have to think about it before my lips curled into a rehearsed smile. It was genuine and real, all the things your brother has been.”

“Awe, you should share that video as part of the wedding.”

“No, I said some other shit in that video, but I will edit and have it sent to Landon’s room the day of our wedding.”

I smiled and rubbed her arm. “You make my brother the happiest I’ve seen him. He loves you so much, Pooh,” I teased.

My heart always grew in size when I saw the way Navy and her family loved on him. It wasn’t just Landon, though. It was all of us. Don had always craved a love like the one he had with her. Navy didn’t give a damn that she was marrying into a family who was worth billions. Her concern was and had always been Landon Caselli, and no one else. I’d never get any nieces and nephews from them, but that was their choice and right. I’d accept whatever furry nieces and nephews they had.

She blushed. “I love him so much… cannot wait for him to come here. I just know he’s gonna put me⁠—”

“I’ll flip that lounge chair over, Navy.”

“I’m sorry… sue me for missing my fiancé… you probably be over there missing Goon, too. Writing little love notes in your notes app. I know you’re a romantic, Zoya… I will pull it out of you.”

I sighed and sat my book down next to me. “I’m a real nigga, Navy. You gotta know that I don’t do that mushy shit.”

We stared at each other until we couldn’t hold in our laughter anymore. “I really cannot stand you!”

I wasn’t the kind of person that could set up my camera and record myself talking to my phone. However, I needed to stop being stuck in my ways and try new things if I ever wanted to grow as a person. I was going to be someone’s mama, and I didn’t want to past my toxic ways to my child. I also didn’t want to be the kind of parent that my child needed healing from once they were older. So, I had to expand my horizons a bit, even if it scared me. How could I complain about my circumstances, but do nothing to change? If I couldn’t be real with myself via camera, then what the fuck was all of this for?

When Navy asked why I was so angry, it caused me to quickly reevaluate myself. I knew she was joking, but was that how people viewed me? The angry fat bitch who always had to get her way?

Well, yes.

I always had to have my way, so that wasn’t anything that would be changing. If I was president of this fuck ass country, every woman would always get their way. We put up with enough shit, so why not? Every relationship a woman enters should be on her terms and should end the same. Men didn’t go through nearly as much shit as women for them to be getting the best end of the deal.

Give dick, spend money, and speak when spoken to.