Page 66 of Heart Of A Goon II

“Stop shaking that leg so much. You’re going to be okay.” She tried to assure me, but my hands started to sweat.

I didn’t say anything back because my mind was all over the place. This was the moment I wished I had Gerald right next to me. He would have said something to make me laugh and forget all about this appointment.

“Ms. Caselli,” the medical assistant came out from the back.

She held the clipboard with the information I had just filled out and held the door for us. Alaia slipped her hand into mine as we walked to the exam room. I had gone to the gynecologist a million times, and this was almost the same thing. Right?

“You can get settled on the exam table and I will go over some of what you filled out. You are visiting, correct?” she looked over her narrow wire frames.

“Yes. Just a holiday vacation,” I lied, because this had been anything but a vacation. As much as I laid on the beach and try to read, my mind was back home.

I think all of our minds were. The small check ins were vital for us all not losing our minds. The pale woman nodded, as she continued to check over everything I had filled out.

She was White but had an accent as thick as the locals. Her brown hair was pulled back in a sleek ponytail, and because of the constant sun, her freckles were bright.

“I have your last period.” She fished in the drawer and found a paper wheel that she flipped around a few times.

Alaia looked on with excitement as she moved it a tad more and then looked at us. “My doctor didn’t even use that. He used his iPad and just blurted out my due date.”

“What is it?”

“It determines your due date based on your last period,” the medical assistant explained.

“Yep.”

“If yours didn’t use it, then how do you know what it is?”

“I went to my late husband’s appointments with Fatima,” she said through gritted teeth, not wanting to even acknowledge that man as her husband. The medical assistant seemed very interested in our conversation, so she chose her words carefully.

“June fifth is your due date,” she smiled.

It was the first smile she had given since I had walked into this exam room. “At least you don’t have to go through the entire summer pregnant.”

I rubbed my hands on my thighs not knowing how to feel now that I had this little piece of information. What did expecting mothers feel when they found this out? I was so excited and scared all at the same time.

Too excited to celebrate because I felt like that might jinx the situation. Scared to plan for the future because what happens if that never comes? This is why Gerald should have been here. He never cared about any of that and spoke about our future like it was already written in stone.

The medical assistant smiled. “Congratulations… I will need urine and blood. We’ll also be back in to take your vitals as well.” She double backed to the papers. “First prenatal appointment, correct?”

“Yes.”

“Okay, no worries. We will get everything together and make sure you and baby are safe and healthy.”

“Thank you.” I smiled as she excused herself and quietly closed the door behind her. I continued to rub my thighs.

“Hey, what are you feeling?”

I looked at her, as she rubbed my back. “I’m fucking scared.”

Alaia snorted, as she stood up and hugged me. “Fucking fair.”

“How did you do it?”

Her face became serious as she continued to hold me, rocking in the process. “I wasn’t ready to be a mother. It was something that was forced onto me. That first time I saw her on that sonogram machine, I loved her. Didn’t even know what she was, but I knew that she was mine and despite the fucked-up circumstances, she was sent to me for a reason.”

We both sniffled at the same time, crying like two emotional ass bitches. “She saved you, huh?”

“Yes. I like to think that she brought me and Cappadonna together. Had I not been in a rush to wash the little bit of clothes she had, and mine, I wouldn’t have gone to the laundromat that day. Promise showed me love that I never knew I needed. There is nothing stronger than a parent’s love for their child. I was prepared to do it alone, as best as I could. Cappadonna was patient, gentle, and he showed me a love I had never experienced. Even when it came to motherhood, he created a safe space for me to be a mother. That’s the thing about this right here,” she took her hand and touched my stomach. “The choice to become a mother was forced upon me. Your choice to be a mother was made by you and the man you love. Babies deserve to be wanted, not expected. Your baby is wanted, hun.”