Page 5 of Heart Of A Goon II

“Pumpkin, have I ever…” I allowed my words to trail off because clearly, I had pissed his ass off too many times. His face told it all.

“What about clothes… I don’t have my emotional support cup.” I never traveled without it, and although this was an emergency situation, I felt naked without having it with me.

He held my face and kissed my lips. “I’m gonna bring it with me. You trust me?”

I couldn’t lie and pretend like I wasn’t scared. “Goo, bring my brother to that island… Stevie and Dennis need him.” I looked away, lowering my voice. “We need him.”

Goo kissed my lips. “Dragging that nigga kicking and screaming, Boobie. He gotta walk yo’ stubborn ass down the aisle.”

I smiled, laughing. “No ring on this finger, Goo.”

“That may be true… but you got that belly full of me. Ring come next, K?”

I hugged him tightly, kissing him and headed out the other back door while he walked with Cappadonna, as the rest of them left.

“Mens, niggas not shooting with my wife in here and I’m not coming. We out then!” I heard him yell as he continued down the hall.

Just because we knew this life didn’t mean we weren’t scared. There was always a possibility of losing the people we loved.

A possibility that I couldn’t even think of right now.

INEZ

Past

Recommendation: Listen to “Rehab (Winter in Paris)” by Brent Faiyaz

“You claim you stressed and wanna feel good… stop being pussy,” Rylan said, as he leaned back on the couch.

We were at his apartment, and I was trying to become comfortable. I hated to fight with my mother. Especially when she was right about everything she was saying.

When Melle was younger it seemed like things were easier. Now that he was older, it seemed harder to raise him. He had a mind of his own and he didn’t listen to anything that I had to say. Everything Auntie Sharon or my mother said was gold, and my words meant nothing.

Even when Goo and Ken told him something, he listened to them and second guessed everything that I had to say. I understood it took all of us to raise him, but I deserved respect, too.

Did I party and enjoy my life outside of being a mother?

Yes.

Should I be penalized for it from my son?

No.

I screamed at my mother and told her to mind her fucking business, and she hit me with that wooden spoon that was in her kitchen. It was all in front of Melle, and I hated that for us. This was the reason he didn’t respect me. My mother didn’t treat me like an adult; she treated me like I was his sister instead of his mother.

“Your son’s mouth is crazy.” I sighed, and sat down on the couch, and leaned into him. I finally felt like I could relax.

Me and Rylan were always on and off. Still, I always made room for him in my life. We ran into each other a few weeks ago at a party and had been hanging out ever since. My mother told me that I better not bring him around the family. I had no choice but to respect their wishes, even if I didn’t agree.

My entire family hated Rylan and made it known whenever he came around.

When Melle turned one and I invited Rylan, both Ken and Goo made him eat at the kid’s table. It wasn’t until I started crying and complaining that Rylan was able to open gifts with us.

I can admit that I put up with a lot of Rylan’s bullshit. I was in love with him and he was my first. We shared a child together. How was I supposed to just move on and act like that never happened?

“He need discipline. You let his ass do whatever he wants. Saw him in Crown Heights a few weeks ago, and his ass tried to play like I’m not his daddy.”

“You need to come around more,” I tossed back onto him, because he was forever trying to toss the blame onto me.