Page 39 of The Sole Love

“No, absolutely not! She is ill, and she has to rest for a month or two, and that is why we are going to Pemberley: to give her the chance to be in a friendly place with no work to do.”

“Then why did we not go to Bath with the Hasketts? It would have been the same there. Perhaps we could not have stayed for a month, but she would have rested and also had the waters in Bath that are said to cure illnesses.”

Elizabeth hesitated a moment before saying, “It is because of me. Lately, in London, I have had signs that Mr Darcy still wants to marry me.” If it was not exactly true, at least it was hope, not a lie.

“I see!” Jane exclaimed, and Elizabeth could not tell, again, what her sister thought.

“Jane, please understand what happened. I wanted to go to Pemberley, but I did not ask them to exchange Bath for Derbyshire. They made that decision and…yes…I am happy.”

“I am glad for you,” Jane exclaimed with her usual warmth, looking at Elizabeth with the same clear expression she had always worn in the past, before Mr Bingley.

“Are you angry because they decided on Pemberley?” Elizabeth finally asked.

“No, absolutely not. I am only sad at how little I know about you lately. I feel guilty about that.”

Elizabeth took her in her arms again, but this time to hide her torment.

“It was a difficult time for all of us. Thank you for not being angry with me.”

“I am never angry with you,” Jane said.

“Not even that day at Netherfield when I arrived with a mud-stained petticoat?” She wanted her question to sound like a joke, but in fact, it was not.

Jane looked towards Netherfield, where the incident had taken place. She had not witnessed it, confined to her bed as she was, but a day or two later she had heard the Bingley sisters laughing as they discussed Elizabeth’s appearance. She remembered her stay at Netherfield, her fever and headache, the apothecary’s visit. She remembered everything, despite all her efforts to forget.

“Yes, I was embarrassed when I heard what happened, mostly because I wanted so much to behave like them and convince myself that Bingley saw in me a woman suitable to marry. I was afraid that your unusual ways would not be appreciated and would make the others think we had not been properly educated.”

Strangely, Elizabeth felt no better after their discussion. Her sister’s honesty only made things worse. Jane had been embarrassed. That odd revelation made Elizabeth wonder whether it was a sign that she must change or a confirmation that she was different from other ladies and should continue to be herself, Elizabeth Bennet.

“We were so close that I thought we were alike,” Jane said.

And for the first time in days, Elizabeth wanted to laugh.

Alike? Was that what her sister thought about them? No two little girls, or young ladies, could have been more different. Jane had never had a single bruise on her pale skin, while Elizabeth, who climbed trees and ran all day long, had gone through most of her childhood with bruised knees. She remembered Jane saying in her sincere voice that she was sorry when Elizabeth went to bed hungry more than once after refusing to apologise. Such examples were endless. Yet they had spent wonderful years together, sharing a bedroom and their secrets, and that was their most precious gift.

Jane saw life in beautiful colours, and fortunately, her disappointment in love had not entirely changed her. Deeply worried about their mother’s health, she accepted that Mrs Bennet needed the journey to Pemberley to recover, incapable of seeing any other problem on the horizon. And that was a good thing for the moment, as the truth would clearly destroy her.

“We are not alike,” Elizabeth said with affection, “but I think each of us can learn from the other. In fact, I want to be more like you.”

And abruptly, as though a veil had lifted from her mind and heart, she could think of nothing except Pemberley and Mr Darcy…just as Jane would have done.

Chapter 17

Netherfield was finally receiving guests again. It was decided that as soon as they were settled, the two families coming from London would travel to Longbourn.

If Elizabeth could have waited for him outside, she surely would have, but she imposed upon herself a small exercise: to do the opposite of what her mind and heart commanded. It proved no easy task.

For the tenth time, she calculated how many hours their journey might take, and though she knew the road well, each calculation gave a different arrival time.

Exhausted from anticipation, she slumbered in the bow window of the parlour until she was awakened by the noise of a carriage and saw Mr Darcy, the first to emerge. They looked at each other with matching eagerness, anticipating the moment they would be together, yet both retained a certain uncertainty. Despite the many gestures of love between them, at that moment they seemed insufficient to give either of them complete confidence.

Mr Darcy helped Miss Darcy out while Elizabeth imposed a ladylike pace upon herself. She had the sudden thought that at Pemberley she would run to meet him every time he came home, only to realise that she was already imagining his mansion as her home. She tried to calm herself. He might still consider himself only a good friend and nothing more.

But then his eyes were on hers, and she stumbled from the intensity of their gaze. The little park in front of the house was full of family and servants speaking, working, and dashing about, while the two of them stood quietly amid all the confusion. He kissed her hand, and Elizabeth made an effort not to close her eyes as powerful feelings overwhelmed her.

“But where are the Gardiners?” Mr Bennet asked, intrigued to see only one carriage.

“They are at Netherfield, sir. They are resting for an hour or so and will be here for dinner.”